Shield My Heart (Heaven Hill Book 9) Read online

  Mandy listened, trying not to let her heart break for the sensitive man she knew Dalton to be. Seeing his parents purposely hurt one another had to have left a mark on him. There was evidence from their own relationship that it had. She wondered why she hadn’t been able to see what he was doing herself, but maybe she’d been as blind to his needs as he’d been to hers.

  “I learned early on my mom loved to hurt my dad and he loved to hurt her. The bitch of it was though, he loved her. More than anything, he loved her, was in love with her, in the way I love you. Which in case you didn’t know, is a whole hell of a lot.” He flashed his grin that always got him everything he wanted when it came to her. “It took me a really long time to figure them out. Why did they stay together when they were so bad for each other, when they just kept making each other miserable? I wondered for a long time why they didn’t just move on to other people, but then I figured it out. Him keeping her addicted was his way of keeping her, period. She wouldn’t leave because she needed him, and he wouldn’t let her leave because he needed the control. It was a game the two of them played, sick as it was. I even understood it, but I made a promise to myself—even at that young age—I would never put myself in that situation.”

  Mandy thought maybe some of what he was saying to her was clicking, that maybe she was starting to understand his actions of the past few months. There was one thing he said that stood out, something she’d wondered about more often than not in the past few months.

  “You really were in love with me?”

  He grasped her hand in his, stroking his fingers along her palm. “I’ve been in love with you since I was a teenager, but at some point over the past year, it started to scare the shit out of me. I realized how much you meant to me, and I realized how vulnerable it made me. If you left me, it would kill me.”

  “So you pulled away, instead,” she finished. It clicked, and she felt her stomach clench. While she’d been feeling sorry for herself, he’d been punishing himself. They were a pair.

  “I know now how fucking stupid it was, and how dumb it sounds, but it was like one morning I woke up and I realized I would be devastated if you left me. Instead of waiting for that moment, I tried to force you into it. Being the person in control has always been much easier than being the person who’s being controlled. I know I shouldn’t have tried to do that to us, but at the time it felt like my only option.”

  She was quiet for long moments, grappling with what she wanted to say. What she wanted to ask.

  “Please, babe, say something. I know admitting it isn’t going to fix everything, it’s not going to make it better. I have a lot of work to do, and I’m aware of that. I’ve been an asshole, and I’m prepared to prove to you that I’m gonna be here for the long haul.”

  “What made you do it now? What changed?” She couldn’t help the question, needing to know why he’d had a change of heart.

  He ran his hands over his hair, knowing he had to come clean—he had to be completely honest with her if he wanted this to work. He couldn’t go back now, couldn’t wuss out on it.

  “Samuel’s gambling problem is back.” He shifted in his seat. “He owes Calvert a lot of money, more money than Deacon and I have access too. I originally took the leave from Heaven Hill so I could figure this out and keep you as far away from it as I could. Now, though, I need their help. We can’t come up with this money, I can’t keep you safe, and I can’t stay away anymore. I need my family back.”

  She needed her family back too. And more than anything, he was her family. “I need you back too. I love you, and I want us to be the family you’ve always wanted so much. But you’ve got to trust me. You’ve got to let me be there for you, no matter how hard it is.”

  He leaned forward, letting their lips touch in a soft kiss. “I’m gonna slip up, and I’m gonna be a jerk sometimes, but know that no matter what, I love you. I’m going to protect our family with my life.”

  She leaned in so that their foreheads touched. “I know, and I know that once you explain everything to Dad, he’ll help too. I’m a grown woman, and this is my choice to make. I choose you.”

  “Thank fuck for that.” He laughed as he tipped her chin up, fusing their lips together.

  He breathed easy for the first time in months. It wasn’t going to be easy—especially explaining to Liam what was going on—but it was a strike against him he was willing to take. He’d be a man and take his punishment. Whatever it took to keep her and the baby safe and in is life, he would do it and not think twice about it.

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  Chapter Twenty-Two

  This time, Mandy followed Dalton. They made their way out of the city and into the county towards the Heaven Hill clubhouse. As she gripped the steering wheel, the palms of her hands were slick. Worried about how her Dad would take this was an understatement. He’d spent the years since he’d come into their lives protecting them. It would kill him to know Heaven Hill would possibly have a target on its back.

  She had meant what she said though; she would make sure her family stayed together, no matter how hard it would be. If there was anything her mom had taught her, it was that. Mandy knew many people would call her a doormat because she wanted Dalton in her life, but she also knew she had a huge capacity for forgiveness. She called on that now, because Dalton needed to be in their lives. She breathed a sigh of relief as they turned onto the gravel drive leading back to the clubhouse. It was a landmark she always watched for. When she pulled into the driveway and her tires crunched against the gravel, it meant safety to her. Immediately her heart slowed and her stomach calmed knowing this was the place they would be protected.

  They parked, and he came around to the driver’s side of her car, opening it for her.

  “You sure you wanna go in there?” He closed the door, crowding her against the metal of her car. Framing her in with his arms, he leaned in, inserting his knee between thighs, pinning her there. “I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do. If you have second thoughts about this, tell me now. I appreciate the moral support, but you don’t have to be here when I ask for this loan.”

  “No.” She shook her head, putting her hands on his stomach, gripping the T-shirt in her palms, pulling him towards her. Running her hands up his stomach and chest, she trailed them up to his neck and circled her arms around him, tightening so that they embraced. “I’m going to be with you for the long haul.”

  “Kind of like my ride-or-die bitch?” he joked.

  She laughed into his shoulder, feeling lighter than she had in a long time, even though they faced a pretty serious situation. “Exactly like your ride-or-die bitch.”

  He pulled them apart, dropping a kiss on her cheek. “Let’s go.”

  When they walked into the clubhouse, all talking stopped and everyone gaped, noticing the two of them holding hands. It seemed to be a shock for most. Her mom gave her a wink.

  “Well, I guess it’s about time,” Drew said from where he sat on one of the couches, a bottle of beer in his hand. He’d set what looked like his lunch plate beside him.

  “For what?” Mandy asked, cocking her head to the side. She didn’t like the tone her brother used. If she remembered correctly, he wasn’t working today, which would explain why he was drinking at noon.

  “He pulled his head out of his ass. It’s pretty damn apparent you’re not taking care of yourself since he started acting like an ass.” Brother and sister hadn’t argued in a while, and it looked like they were about to throw down here in front of God and everybody.

  “What’s apparent is you need to get the fuckin’ chip off your shoulder,” Mandy threw back at him. “Whatever goes on between us is none of your business.”

  “It is when I know how sick you’ve been, when I know you’ve been lying to all of us.”

  “How many of those have you had?” She jerked her chin towards the beer he held in his hands.

  “First one, little sis,” he referenced the ten seconds that separated their
birth times. “But I’m fucking sick of trying to figure out what’s going on with you.”

  “Maybe it’s none of your business.”

  Drew got up from the couch and walked towards her. His gait was loose-legged, but she could tell he was itching for a fight. She’d kept them in the dark too long, and now she was going to have to pay the price for it.

  “Stop!” Dalton grabbed hold of Drew’s bicep to keep him from going after Mandy.

  Drew was pissed, sick of asking questions and not getting any answers. “No, I won’t stop. I wanna know what the fuck is goin’ on. Why have you been sick? What are you keeping from us?”

  Mandy could feel the eyes of almost everyone in the clubhouse on her. This wasn’t how she’d wanted to do this at all. Damn her brother, he was forcing her, not giving her a chance to make her own decision. But that wasn’t exactly true. She’d had ample time to talk the people in her life, to tell them what was going on inside her body, to make things right with everyone. But she hadn’t—instead she’d withdrawn inside herself and let them come to their own conclusions.

  She breathed deeply, trying to gauge what would be the easiest way to lay this news down at everyone’s feet. It wasn’t as if she were a teenager who couldn’t take care of herself, but she knew they’d all be shocked. Considering the fact she and Dalton had been avoiding each other for weeks, she knew there would be even more questions she couldn’t answer.

  “Leave her alone.” Dalton’s voice was stronger this time.

  She cut her gaze over to where he stood with Drew, shaking her head. This was not how she wanted any of this to go. Her eyes pleaded with him to shut the fuck up.

  “I’ll leave her alone when she starts answering some damn questions.” Drew was stubborn in his persistence, a trait he’d learned all too well from their dad.

  Shaking loose, Drew advanced on Mandy, intending to shelter her the way he’d done when they were kids. Instead, Dalton jerked him around again.

  “She’s pregnant, man. Leave her alone.” His soft voice was loud in the stillness of the room. No one moved, no one said a word, not even Mandy. All she could do was cover her mouth and watch as the two of them faced off.

  Drew stiffened, slinging Dalton’s hand off his arm. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

  “You heard me, she’s pregnant.”

  She had to give it to Dalton, he didn’t back down when Drew turned, advancing on him this time. Quick as he had always been, he had Dalton’s neck between his hands and shoved him back into the wall. The two of them hit the concrete with a sickening thud. “That’s my fucking sister.” He held Dalton up by the throat, pointing over to where Mandy stood, tears streaming down her face. “For months you haven’t known what you’ve wanted when it comes to her. We’ve talked about it.” His voice was hoarse as he faced off against the man he called best friend. “And you knew she was pregnant? You left her, knowing what we went through as kids. Knowing what the fuck you went through as a kid.”

  “Drew, put him down!” Charity was clamoring at her husband, trying to get him to break his hold.

  Liam made sure she got out of the way as Drew threw his elbow back, not worrying about who was behind him. He was in a blind rage, and the only thing he could see was the guilty eyes of the man he’d known as a brother for most of his life.

  “I’m sorry. You don’t know what’s going on,” Dalton was trying to explain, his voice coming out weak as Drew continued bearing down on the tendons.

  Rearing back, Drew let a fist fly, clocking Dalton in the jaw. “I don’t have to know what the fuck is going on to know that you’re a piece of trash just like the trash you come from.”

  Dalton lost all his fight as he heard the venom in Drew’s voice, took in the words the other man said. He had no comeback to the truth. If Drew wanted to hurt him, he’d done a damn good job of it. Dalton knew he’d been no better than the people who’d birthed him.

  Liam wrapped his forearm around Drew’s chest, pulling the two of them apart. “Let him go, son.”

  Finally, Drew loosened his grip, letting Dalton drop to his feet. Dalton sucked in deep breathes of air, trying to fill his lungs back up.

  “I’m gonna kick his ass.” Drew fought against the hold his dad had on him.

  Liam’s voice was loud and authoritative. “No, you’re not. You’re gonna stay here and make sure your sister’s okay. He’s gonna come with me.”

  Dalton had never been so scared in all his life as he levered himself up off the wall and followed the back of the man he called president into a room alone. He had no doubt that one wrong word and he might not come out the same way he walked in.

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  Chapter Twenty-Three

  They entered the room, Liam walking immediately to the opposite wall, facing it instead of Dalton. Knowing now wasn’t the time to question the man in front of him; Dalton had a seat at the table and waited for him to speak. He could feel blood dripping from his lip, but he refused to try and staunch the flow. Adrenaline, anger, anxiousness—it all coursed through him at thousands of miles an hour.

  When Liam finally turned around, his eyes were hard. They weren’t the mirrors of understanding they usually were when it came to his guys. It was obvious he wanted answers. “Tell me all of it now, and before you even think of lyin’ to me, know that I’ve had Steele checking on you. The best thing you can do for yourself and the unborn child you hope to see grow up is be straight with me.”

  Dalton took exception to the implication Liam had the power to keep his child from him, but he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut about it. “You know when we were younger Samuel had the gambling problem.”

  “He took care of that,” Liam interrupted.

  “Yeah.” He shook his head, bringing his hand up from the table to rub it along his forehead. “I thought so too. A few weeks ago, I was going to the bank to talk to them about getting a loan for the other parcel of land next to the trailer. I stopped in at Wet Wanda’s because I had to get some stuff from Deacon. While I was there, I overheard a conversation from some of Calvert’s guys that Samuel owes them. They said he’d owed long enough that they were going to come for us. If they didn’t get us, they’d go for whoever it would hurt us to lose.”

  “Mandy,” Liam finished.

  Dalton fought for the words to explain to this man what was going through his head and decided maybe the truth was the best way to go. “Mandy and I had been having a hard time, mostly because of me, my fears, and my damage. Getting the land was going to be my way of telling her I was ready for whatever was to come. I was ready to put down roots and be the man you taught me to be.”

  “If there’s a damn thing I hope I teach all of you, it’s to take fucking responsibility for anything that you do. It makes me proud to see you sitting here facing me, because you’re about to take an ass chewin’.”

  And Dalton knew he wouldn’t have it any other way. “So I’m standing there, listening to them say they’re going to go after the woman I love. The one I’ve been pushing away because we were too close, and then I get this goddamn text from her that says I’m going to be a father. I freaked the fuck out, and I knew at that point I had to stay away. I asked you for a leave of absence, I left her alone and scared, I went to see my dad, and I’ve been trying to figure out a way to help Samuel ever since. Now I’m sitting here in front of you tellin’ you I have dick to show for it, and I need your help.”

  Liam didn’t have it in his heart to turn him away, but he sure as fuck wasn’t going to make it easy on him.

  “You’re gonna get my help not only because you’re one of my guys, but because both my daughter and son love you. That’s not to say that help isn’t going to come with some conditions.”

  “I had no doubt.” Dalton sat up straight, looking Liam in the eye. He would take whatever the older man dished out. He deserved it. He’d made peace with that a long time ago.

  Liam had a seat across from him, folding his hands on the t
able. “You’re gonna let us help you deliver this money. If something happened to you, I would never be able to live with myself or look Mandy in the eye again. After it’s delivered, I’m gonna have a talk with Samuel about repayment. You’re not paying me back, he is. I know this is something you want to do for yourself, but he needs to take responsibility for his actions.”

  Dalton ran a hand through his hair, breathing deeply. “I never wanted to bring this shit to Heaven Hill’s front door. That’s why I didn’t tell anybody.”

  “I’m not dumb, son. I know that. But this is one of those times when you need help, and we need to back you on this. If I’m footing the bill, then I need to be a part of it, need to make sure shit’s done right. I have a family to think about too.”

  They were quiet for a few minutes, looking at one another. Dalton was the first to speak.

  “I’m really sorry.”

  Liam waved his hand. “For what? Protecting family? Doing what you think is right?”