Shield My Heart (Heaven Hill Book 9) Read online

  He fought for the right words to say, the words to explain his thoughts and the jumble of emotions that filtered round and round in his head. “For lyin’ to everybody.”

  “And possibly getting your ass killed, right? Calvert’s a mean son of a bitch, and he knows you have a vulnerability.”

  Here it came.

  Liam got up, pacing around the table. “Whether you know it or not, keeping this to yourself put everybody in a lot more danger than they would have been had you come to us. Tyler and I could’ve taken care of this.”

  “But it wasn’t your business to take care of.”

  Leaning in so that their noses almost touched, Liam held the younger man’s gaze. “You are my business. You wear my patch on your cut. My daughter carries your child. You’re an integral part of this club, no matter what you think. I would do this for anybody, but you…you mean the world to a handful of people under this roof. Think about that. What would I do with those people if you weren’t around anymore?”

  “She was getting along without me just fine.” His voice was hoarse, the truth of those words hitting home in a way he hadn’t let them before.

  “The fuck she was, and if you think for one minute that’s the truth, I’ll fuck you up,” Liam warned, his hands clenched into fists on the table now. “She’s a lot like her mama, does what she has to do to get by and doesn’t let anyone see her sweat. But if you know her well enough, if you look just beneath what they want you to see, you can tell exactly when they fall apart. Dalton, that woman is falling apart without you, and if you aren’t ready to man up, you tell me now. We’ll take care of this, then I’ll give you your freedom, and it’ll be done.”

  Dalton’s head snapped up. His freedom? That’s what he’d essentially asked for when he’d asked for the leave of absence. He’d wanted to do what he wanted to do without having to answer to anyone, and now faced with it—he didn’t want the freedom. He wanted to be here, with these people, forever. They were his family—didn’t matter they weren’t blood. Every member of the club realized it at one time or another; now the time was his.

  “No, I’m going to be here. I don’t want my freedom in that way. I want my freedom in the way of being able to live my life with Mandy, to take care of our child together, and to buy that piece of property.” He stopped for a minute, composing himself because his emotions were all over the place. “I’ll do whatever it takes; just help me make that happen.”

  “Just make her happy, and don’t try to fix shit yourself again.”

  “I promise.” Dalton held his hand up. “Swear actually.”

  “Alright, let’s go see what Steele and Tyler have found out. They’ve been trying to get in touch with Calvert to set up a meeting.”

  *

  “Why couldn’t you tell me?”

  “Drew.” Mandy inhaled deeply, counting to herself as she turned to face her brother. “It wasn’t your business.”

  He narrowed his eyes and leveled her with a glare that usually scared others, but she was his twin, and she’d been on the receiving end of that glare many times. “Wasn’t my business? I’m gonna have a niece or a nephew. You were possibly in danger. None of that shit is my business? You’ve lost your damn mind.”

  “Mom,” she pleaded.

  Denise looked between the two of them. “I’m sorry, but I tend to agree with your brother on this. How many times have we all been together, and you’ve had the chance to tell us what’s been going on and you haven’t?” She threw a glare of her own at her daughter. “I’m a little hurt. We could have helped you.”

  That was it. Mandy was sick of having to defend her choices. “I’m a grown woman who made the choice for myself and my child. Mom, did you know it was a good choice to come here with me and Drew back then? Or did you act on instinct? Because that’s what I did, and I’m sorry if neither of you agree with that. It was my choice, and that’s the choice I made.”

  Denise pulled her in her arms, hugging her tightly. “I’m proud of you for doing what you thought was right and doing this all by yourself, but I’m saying you didn’t have to.”

  “I know.” Mandy grinned, feeling proud of herself, no matter the situation. She’d handled it. “But I wanted Dalton to be a part of this with me, I wanted him to be able to be around, and until we worked things out, I knew there would be tension. The situation has worked out the way it was meant to.”

  No one could argue with that, no matter how much they wanted to.

  “Well, how far along are you?” Drew asked impatiently. “I need to know when we can find out if this is a girl or a boy. Either way I’m buyin’ another gun. If it’s a girl, to keep the dudes away; if it’s a boy, to teach him how to shoot.”

  They laughed, and Mandy wiped tears from her eyes. She really did love her brother. Walking over to him, she pulled him close to her and relaxed into his easy hug. “I’m almost twelve weeks. We’ll know soon, bro.”

  He pulled back, tipping her face up so he could look into the eyes that were so much like his. “I’m proud of you for doin’ what you think is right, but I’m here to tell you something too. Don’t keep shit like that away from me again. We’ve always been a team, and it doesn’t matter if I’m married now or not. You’re always gonna be one of the most important people in my life.”

  Emotion clogged her throat, and she nodded, burying her head in his shoulder. In that moment, she knew everything would be okay.

  A knock on the door caused them to separate, and Mandy brushed at the tears gathered under her eyes. Layne stood in the doorway. “Liam wants to talk to you.” He pointed to Mandy. “He asked me to come get you.”

  She swallowed heavily. Being summoned by her dad was never a good thing.

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  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Dad?”

  Both Dalton and Liam glanced up at the soft voice in the doorway. Mandy entered the room cautiously, obviously not sure what was going on, or what had gone down.

  “Have a seat,” he invited her to sit next to Dalton. For the first time, he looked at her like she was truly an adult. She looked so much like her mother, it stole his breath. He could see the same glow Denise had when she was pregnant with Tatum. If he’d been looking closer before, he probably would have been able to tell she was pregnant, because she looked just like Denise had. Chest bigger, skinnier in the stomach. Obviously his girl had done the sick thing like her mother before her.

  She took the seat offered, smiling softly at Dalton as he took her hand. For the first time since this began, they were presenting a united front. Letting go of her hand, he put his arm around her, pulling her in close to his side. It felt good not to be alone and facing this man who’d meant so much to her for so long. But to say she was nervous was an understatement. She watched her dad as he paced back and forth, wearing a path in the floor across from them.

  “Please say something,” she begged when she couldn’t take the silence anymore.

  “I can’t help but think I failed you because you felt like you couldn’t come to us with this. We should have been here to help you.” He had a seat and put his head in his hands. He blew a deep breath out, letting his shoulders relax from the weight he obviously carried. “You were going through all this shit by yourself. It kills me.” He took a breath, and she inhaled deeply as she saw the emotions playing across his face. From anger to happiness to sadness. “Your mom went through that on her own with you and Drew, and I swore you and Tatum wouldn’t have to. I’ve spent a good portion of my life making sure you two girls had it better than she did, and to know you couldn’t come to me with this kind of news—fucking guts me.”

  Mandy loved Liam with everything she had, but he had a hard time realizing she was a grown woman and about to be a mother. He’d always had trouble letting her handle things on her own, and she could tell this was making him want to jump out of his skin.

  “This was my situation, one I had to work through on my own. I love you, Dad, but you aren’t responsib
le for me.” She squeezed his hand, trying to deliver that news with at least a small degree of sympathy. He took responsibility seriously and held it over his shoulders like a trophy for the most part. Realizing he wasn’t responsible for her anymore would kill him.

  “I’ve been responsible for you since you were thirteen years old, and I’ll be damned if I change that now. No matter how fuckin’ old you are. Age doesn’t cut off my caring about you and wanting to do what’s right for you.”

  Dalton watched this scene, struggling to keep his emotions in check. The words Liam spoke were perfect, and the type of words he’d wanted as a child. He couldn’t help but thank the stars above this man would be his child’s grandparent, because he knew all the right things to say, all the right things to do, and he loved fucking fiercely. No one would ever hurt someone he cared about and live to talk about it, and he’d sure as hell never make his kids feel like they came second to anything in his life. Dalton realized with great clarity if he could be half the man Liam Walker was, he’d somehow succeed at this whole adulting thing.

  She couldn’t help the half giggle, half sob that escaped her throat. “I love you.”

  He came around the table and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly to him. When she was younger it had been a hug of protection. Now it was a hug of compassion, letting her know she wasn’t alone. They hugged for what felt like years, but the strength he gave her couldn’t be matched. When he let go and she had a seat again, she wore a look of contentment he hadn’t seen in months. “I love you too, and it kills me to give you over to somebody else. Even if it is Dalton.”

  “We still have a lot to work out,” she hedged, glancing at the man who sat beside her. Things wouldn’t be perfect—in all honesty they never had been—but they would make it work together.

  “Understandable, and I’m glad you’re not just accepting what he’s told you.” Liam threw Dalton a glare. The guy was lucky Mandy had such a forgiving heart, he didn’t know many other people who would look past the wall he put up and try to see what was underneath the way she did.

  She gave him a look of her own, but tightened her grip on his fingers when she spoke. “He definitely has some time to make up for.”

  Dalton hated to be talked about like he wasn’t in the room, but he knew he deserved it. He would work hard, he would show them he was ready, and he wouldn’t stop until they realized and accepted it.

  “Alright.” Liam looked at the two of them. “I’m leavin’ Tyler here to be with everybody. Jagger and I are going to get the money, and then we’ll come back and set up the drop. I want you both staying here until we figure out if there’s a threat or not.”

  A memory hit Dalton hard. “I went to see my dad the other day. He mentioned some people are saying Heaven Hill’s weak since everyone became domesticated. I definitely think we need to take extra precautions. If someone wants to try and show force, now would be the perfect time.”

  Liam cursed. “Fuckin’ hell.” That was a whole different set of issues he hadn’t been planning on. But life had never been easy for any of them. If anything, the foundation of the whole club was built on the hard times all of them had experienced. “Alright, I’ll let the guys know, and I want you all to sit tight until Jagger and I get back.”

  Mandy grabbed Liam in a hug. “Please be careful, Grandpa.”

  A word had never caused him to lose his breath the way this one did. Not even the word dad. He pulled her into another hug and promised himself he’d make this right for everyone involved.

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  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “You okay staying in here with me?” Dalton asked as he and Mandy made it to his dorm.

  When she was safely inside, he turned the lock on the door, leaving the two of them alone, with no one from the outside world able to get in. More than anything, he wanted this time alone with her. He’d fucking missed her, and he needed to feel her wrapped in his arms as soon as possible. Tension he’d had for weeks was slowly starting to melt away.

  “Regardless of what’s happened with us,” she snaked her arms around his neck, “there’s no other place I feel safer than with you.”

  He swallowed hard, letting those words sink in. Slowly he circled his own arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Almost bashful, he turned his head to the side and slowly moved in for a kiss.

  Mandy felt her heart beating fast in her chest as she realized what he was going to do. It felt like it had been a hundred years since they’d kissed one another like this, and she hadn’t realized how much she missed it. Digging the pads of her fingers into the skin on his neck, she held him to her. A part of her was scared he’d run, another part was scared she’d run. Neither one of them had a great track record lately.

  His lips were hesitant against hers. He was unsure of how she would react. If she wanted this as much as he did. He knew he had no right to stake a claim on her, not after what he’d put her through, but he needed to feel close to her, needed to have a connection he hadn’t felt in so long. The last time they’d done this, it had been for many of the wrong reasons. It would be for the right reasons this time, give them a memory to build on.

  Admitting all the things he’d done wrong, all the mistakes, had made him vulnerable. For a moment, he needed her love, her attention, and her support.

  He pulled his lips away, breathing heavily, digging his hands into her shoulders to try and calm himself down. It was futile, because she’d always affected him this way, from the first moment their lips had ever pressed together in a kiss. He sank his fingers into her hair, tilting her neck back so that it was exposed to his gaze. His mouth watered, wanting to go to town on it, but first he had to make sure she was on board with this. He didn’t want to take two steps forward and ten steps back.

  “If you don’t want this, tell me and I’ll stop,” he whispered, his voice quiet in the room.

  “No, I need you just as much as you need me,” she whispered back to him, moving her hands down his shoulders, then further to his abdomen. Once they stopped at his waist, she shoved his cut from his shoulders and then helped him get out of the T-shirt that covered his body.

  Unlike most members of the club, he didn’t have visible tattoos with his shirt on. Instead his were on his chest and stomach. As her gaze roamed the expanse of skin she hadn’t had the chance to lazily take in for far too long, her eyes caught sight of new ink. “Mandy” was written in script letters on his chest, over his heart.

  He knew the moment she saw it. Her breath caught, and his breath caught too because he didn’t know how she would react.

  “I got it a few weeks ago. After the last time we were together.” He shrugged by way of explanation. It’d been a need he had, one he hadn’t been able to forget. He’d wanted something of hers on his body he couldn’t erase. Memories would fade the longer away from them he was, but the ink he’d put into his chest—it’d stay there until the day he died. “I needed some way to keep you near me, and I knew memories would fade. I wanted something much more permanent.”

  She cupped his cheeks in her hands, feeling more than she ever had for this man who was emotional yet hard at the same time. It wasn’t easy to get past the defenses he’d put in place, but underneath he was a caring soul who took everything personally. “You were really planning on giving me up, weren’t you?”

  He grabbed her hands and walked them over to the bed. Having a seat, he pulled her onto his lap. “I’ll do anything in this word to keep you safe. Everything I’ve done has been for you.” He trailed kisses along her jawline and lips. “Please understand that. Everything has been for you.”

  As hard as it was, she was beginning to see that now, was starting to understand the man she thought she already understood. But there were layers to Dalton she hadn’t known existed.

  Turning in his arms, she fused their lips together again, this time taking control of the kiss herself. Standing up in front of him, she widened his thighs, giving herself room. With su
re hands, she pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her there in a bra that barely covered her assets. The one place she’d actually gained weight from the beginning was her boobs. The mounds of flesh threatened to spill over the top of the lace cups, especially as her breathing increased, and even the feel of her skin against the lace turned her on.

  Dalton gave her a smile hot enough to send moisture to her core before he ran his hands up her stomach to her ribs before cupping her lace covered tits in his hands. His palms brushed her already firm nipples, causing them to harden even further against his touch.

  “Feel good?” he asked, his tone dropping at least three octaves.

  Fuck, even his voice turned her on, sent her knees buckling and her legs turning to jelly. “What would be really good,” she moaned as she arched her back to get closer, “is if you would use your mouth for more than talking.”

  He chuckled before snagging her around the waist and doing exactly what she asked. As she stumbled towards him, his mouth closed around the turgid peak of her flesh. He could feel her hands move to her jeans, unbuttoning them and pushing them off her hips. She kicked off her shoes, the sound echoing loudly in the room.

  Grasping her around the thighs, he pulled her over top of his lap, forcing her to straddle his hips. Situating her on her knees, he closed his mouth tighter around the taut nub, denting his fingers into her ass cheeks to bring her closer to him.

  Mandy dug her fingers into his close-cropped hair, holding him tighter against her body. He growled against her skin, causing goosebumps to appear on her arms and chest.

  He smeared his lips up the column of her neck, sucking greedily on her pulse point.

  Giving herself over to the desire flowing through her veins, she pushed him back against the covers.

  Before she could get comfortable, he hooked his hands behind her knees and anchored her, flipping them over.