Out of Darkness Page 13

  “Those are not uncommon feelings, Meredith. You’re justified in what you feel.”

  It helped to have someone vindicate what she felt, but it didn’t shake the loneliness or the sadness that had plagued her since she’d left Tyler in her taillights.

  “So because that is William’s clubhouse – I left it. I left Tyler there and told him I couldn’t stay anymore.”

  The sympathy was immediate in Doc Jones’ eyes. “That had to hurt both you and Tyler deeply.”

  “It did – it has,” she cried. “But I just don’t know how we get past it. William is always going to be there unless we can find a way to bring him down. I have this feeling of utter despair right now, and I saw the anger in Tyler’s eyes. It was murderous. I don’t want to be the reason he’s angry.”

  Her mouth set in a thin line, Doc Jones took a deep breath. “Do you really think you’re the reason he’s angry, Meredith? Do you really think he’s angry at you?”

  “I know he’s not angry at me, but I don’t want to cause him to have feelings that might get him in trouble.”

  “That’s what you do when you care for someone. You stand up for them, and you tell the world that they are yours. That’s what he’s doing. Don’t punish him because he cares for you. You would do the same for him if the roles were reversed.”

  Meredith knew that Doc Jones was right. If someone had hurt Tyler, she would be the first person in line cussing and throwing punches at them. It was just hard to deal with, the fact that she’d lived with such rose-colored glasses on.

  “I guess I’m angry with myself,” she whispered.

  “Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Why are you angry?”

  “What kind of a person lets themselves be used like this? I made myself a pawn in a game that I knew would have no winners.”

  “But you never asked to get raped, you never asked to be beaten. You cannot take the blame for what others did to you, Meredith. That’s not the way to handle this. Do not let these people off the hook. They did something wrong and they must pay for it. Remember that you are the victim here.”

  Meredith heard everything that the doctor said, but it was hard to let go. She still felt responsible.

  “I can see it in your eyes. If you feel the need to be responsible for something, take responsibility for the fact that you started the game. That is something you can take responsibility for. Know that you’ve learned a life lesson that many others have to learn over their lifetimes. But 99% of the people who learn this lesson are not raped. Let yourself off the hook for that.”

  Breathing came a little easier as Meredith thought about what the doctor said. Letting herself take responsibility for some portion of this made her feel better. It didn’t completely absolve her, but it did give her purpose. It did give her a feeling of contentment.

  “You’re right. I’m glad I called you, I do feel better taking responsibility for my role. I’m gonna have to do some groveling with Tyler. I completely pushed him away.”

  “You were trying to protect yourself, and Tyler probably understands that,” Doc Jones patted the other woman’s knee. “He has great insights on the human psyche.”

  “That he does, especially mine. I’m sure he’ll forgive me, but I’m a little embarrassed to face him again.”

  Doc Jones waved a hand in her direction. “Things can’t be perfect all the time, and it’s good for your relationship if you have a few disagreements here and there. You know what they say about making up.”

  A blush rose to Meredith’s face. “I don’t know really, I’ve never made up with anyone before. I’m really out of my element in all of this.”

  “Then let me tell you, woman to woman. You enjoy the making up. That’s usually why couples fight.”

  Meredith left her session with the doctor feeling like a completely different person. Instead of the flight feeling that had overwhelmed her the night before, she was back in the fight mode. She wanted to fight for her relationship, fight for justice, and fight for truth. She wondered if she should go to the clubhouse and see Tyler, but realized that he might need some more time to himself. The look in his eyes the night before had told her just how much she’d hurt his feelings.

  Pulling into the driveway of the home she’d stayed in, she sighed. What she wouldn’t give to be coming home with Tyler there every day, every night. He had so quickly become a fixture in her life that it was scary, but she knew after her night without him, she needed him. She needed the stabilizing force he brought to her. It had quickly become something that she couldn’t live without.

  Walking up the front porch steps, she put the key into the lock and turned it, opening the door and walking in. She gasped as she glimpsed Tyler sitting on the couch, looking like he had not a care in the world.

  “You scared the ever-loving shit out of me,” she gasped, putting her hand to her wildly beating heart.

  He got up from the couch and silently walked over to her. When he got so close her back pressed against the door, he put his hands up beside her head and shoulder, effectively boxing her in. A devilish glint in his eye, he leaned so that his mouth was even with her ear and whispered.

  “I told you that I wouldn’t let you get away. I’ve given you a night, and now I’m here to tell you one thing. Don’t ever run away from me again.”

  She moaned and closed her eyes. Without a doubt, she was in so much trouble.

  Chapter Thirty

  Tyler took his hands from the door and ran them down her body.

  “I told you I wouldn’t let you run away from me,” he told her again.

  “I know, and I’m sorry I ran,” she whispered.

  Her eyes were still closed and that bothered him. “Open your eyes and look at me.”

  She followed his order, and the look there stole her breath. It was so intense that she wanted to close her eyes again.

  “Keep them open,” he instructed her. “Look at me, see what I’m telling you.”

  The only thing she could do was nod.

  “No matter what happens or what we find out, it’s not going to change how we feel about each other. We have to promise this to each other. I know that it’s not going to change how I feel about you, and I think you feel the same. We can’t let outside forces change the way we live our lives. There will always be outside forces if we let there be.”

  She knew that he was right, everything about what he said was the truth. Couples faced challenges every day and they didn’t run from them. The ones that lasted stayed and fought.

  “You’re right. I want this to last, I don’t wanna give you up.”

  He put his hands at her waist and squeezed roughly. “Then fight for me.”

  She put her hands on his shoulders and hopped up, crossing her ankles at his back. “I am fighting for you. I’m doing the best I can, but I’ve never had anyone to fight for before.”

  “You have me now.”

  She grinned saucily at him before tangling her hands in his hair. “I do, don’t I?”

  “Don’t forget it again.”

  Leaning forward, she took his lips with hers. His lips were always so soft, no matter when she kissed him, they were always full and kissable. Tilting her head so that they could remain connected, she coaxed his tongue out of his mouth. He relaxed against her, allowing their tongues to stroke against each other.

  His hands trailed down her back and stopped when he got to her thighs. Gripping them with strong fingers, he hiked her up higher, making her bend her head to continue kissing him. It gave him an advantage when he widened his stance and pressed her harder against the door. Letting go with one hand, he brought that hand up to the middle of her chest. He broke the kiss as he hooked his index finger in the gap of the button down shirt she wore.

  “Do you like this shirt?” he whispered.

  “It’s not a favorite. Why?” she was confused. Why were they talking about this now and not continuing with the slow screwing against the wall he was obviously teasing her wi
th.

  “Just makin’ sure.”

  With that, he gave a tug and the buttons gave way as the shirt hung limply from her body. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if she had been okay with him doing that. If it caused any bad feelings because her breathing had picked up speed, but he was silenced when she attacked his neck. He moaned, feeling the little nips of her teeth and then the soothing coolness of her tongue against his flesh.

  The same finger he’d used to rip the shirt from her body made its way to where her bra encased her breasts. Softly, he pulled the cups down under her breasts, effectively trapping them together. As she continued to work on his neck, he swirled his tongue around the hard peak of her nipple.

  Her fingers gripped his shoulders as her core started a slow rock against his. This was different compared to how they always were. Everything in their lives always needed to be done right this instant, and in this they could take their time. His strong arms bulged as he took her weight off the wall and walked them over to the couch. She loved to watch the strength there, the corded muscles and the thick forearms as he performed any kind of task.

  Tapping her thigh twice, he motioned for her to unwrap her legs and then helped her down. Not saying anything, she closed the distance between them and made short work of his cut as well as the shirt he wore underneath it. He stood in just a pair of jeans and his motorcycle boots. Without a shirt on, she could see all of his tattoos and for the first time, she took the opportunity to look at them. Some were MC related, others were obviously related to his culture. As she ran her lips around the circumference of his frame, she noticed one that gave her pause. On his left shoulder a dream catcher, inked in grays and blacks, had the date of her attack in its netting.

  “What’s this?” she asked, running her fingers over it.

  He turned so that they could see in each other’s eyes. Sometimes things like this made her feel like they were an old married couple. Other times, he continued to amaze her.

  “It’s there to remind me of the night my life changed forever. And I’m not sure if you’re familiar with dream catchers, but they are supposed to keep the bad dreams at bay if you put them over your bed. I figure if I have you in my arms, those dreams get to me before they get to you. I want to stop them before they start.”

  From any other man that would have been ridiculously clichéd and just a line to get in her panties. But not with this man. Anything he said, whether good or bad, he truly meant. Coming back around to the front of his body, she stopped and took a deep breath.

  “I really don’t deserve you,” she whispered, burying her head in the curve of his neck and nuzzling there.

  “You do deserve me. We deserve each other. There’s a reason I found you that night,” he told her.

  His deep voice told her not to question his words, so she didn’t.

  With more grace than she felt, she ran her hands along the waistband of his jeans. Once her fingers got to the metal button, she lowered her eyes and ran her tongue along her lips as she unfastened it. The tines of his zipper were loud in the quiet room as she fought to bare him to her eyes. After she pulled his underwear and jeans down, he sat on the couch to rid himself of the boots. While he did that, she worked on ridding herself of her remaining clothes.

  When he was done with his boots, he hooked her around the waist and pulled her to straddle his lap. He could feel the trail of moisture she left on his thighs as she situated herself over his girth.

  Fumbling with the jeans he’d put beside him, he pulled out a foil packet and suited up. Once the barrier that protected both of them was in place, he used the head of his cock to tease her with just a few quick strokes against her clit.

  She ground her body into his, sighing as he seated himself completely inside her. This was getting easier, she realized. Being with him like this. She was starting to crave it, the intimacy and the closeness. Grabbing his hands, she used them for leverage as she gained speed to her rhythm.

  Growling at her abandon, he buried his face in her neck. He wanted to mark her, show the world that she was his. Nipping at the sensitive skin just below her ear, he sucked strongly, hoping to leave his mark there.

  “Ty,” she gasped as he soothed the sting with a stroke of his tongue.

  “I want everybody to know you’re mine,” he told her, untangling their hands and then burying his in her hair. He pulled her close to him so that every inch of their bodies touched.

  “I am yours.”

  And with that promise, he pushed them both over the edge.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Hours later, the two of them lay tangled up in the sheets of his big bed. A cold front had moved through, bringing with it a steady rain that pelted the tin roof of the farm house. Because it was older, it was also drafty. Laying together, sharing body heat under the covers seemed to be the best way to spend the rest of their day.

  Meredith sighed as she entangled her leg with his and scooted closer to the warmth of his body. She lifted her head as she raked her nails across his stomach. “What are we going to do about William?”

  That question had been on the tip of her tongue the entire time they had been here together, but she hadn’t yet wanted to break the spell they seemed to be under.

  His large hand grabbed hers at his stomach, stilling the motions she made there. Turning it over, he brought the palm up to his mouth and brushed a kiss there on the delicate skin. “I put a passcode on his phone that I can get into. Right now, the only thing we can do is wait and see if he continues to contact that number. It’s the only proof we have he’s involved.”

  She hated that answer because that meant she would more than likely have to go back to the clubhouse. “I figured you would say that.”

  “I’m not askin’ you to do something you don’t wanna do, baby. If you don’t wanna stay in the clubhouse anymore, then we won’t. We’ll stay here if you want.”

  “How does that work, Tyler? You’re an officer. This is too far out for you to be riding back and forth all the time.”

  He knew that she spoke the truth, but he would still do whatever would be easiest for her. “Relationships are about compromise,” he shrugged.

  “Compromise, yes. Giving me my way, no,” she argued.

  “I don’t see it as you getting ‘your way’. You don’t feel safe there. Who am I to tell you that you have to stay?”

  The words that were coming out of his mouth gave her the warm fuzzies, but she knew they were not realistic. It was time for her to put on her big girl panties and deal.

  “You’re right, I don’t feel safe with him there. But with you by my side, I know that no one will hurt me. I can’t run from this my whole life. I either take a stand now, or I let it rule me. That is a choice I have to make.”

  His hand tangled in her hair as he pressed slightly against her neck, meeting her halfway for a kiss. “You truly are one of the bravest people I’ve ever known,” he whispered.

  “I don’t feel brave. I feel scared shitless.”

  His deep laugh warmed every part of her that was chilled by the thought of going back to the clubhouse.

  “That’s understandable. You never know. Maybe it will put pressure on him, seeing you every day.”

  “He’s seen me every day since the attack that I’ve been there. I don’t think William Walker gives a shit.”

  A slow grin spread over Tyler’s face. “He’s seen you and we’ve seen him, but we haven’t really expressed to him how we feel about you being raped. Now have we?”

  “I don’t think I’m following.”

  “By the time I’m done with him, he’s going to regret the day he went after you. If you think the ‘curse of the skull cup’ was bad, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet, baby.”

  That thought scared her and thrilled her at the same time. “Can you please just leave Jagger out of this one? He really was just doing me a favor.”

  “Yeah, I’ll leave him alone. Even though it’s obvious you have a soft sp
ot for the boy,” he growled.

  She giggled, running her hand up his stomach to his throat. There she caressed his Adam’s apple and ran the tip of her nail to his chin. “Don’t be jealous, Tyler. It doesn’t become you.”

  His eyes took on a predatory gleam. “Oh, I’m not jealous. Any man who sees you in the next couple of weeks will know you’re spoken for.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You have a hickey the size of a half dollar on your neck. It’s a beauty if I do say so myself,” he grinned in a way that told her just how happy with himself he was.

  She groaned. “Oh Tyler, now I’m gonna look like a waitress from Wet Wanda’s.”

  “It’s hot and I think it makes you hot, whether you wanna be straight with me or not.”

  He was so full of himself, lying next to her with a huge grin on his face.

  “I’ll wear a turtleneck,” she threatened.

  “The hell you will,” he fired back, leaning over her body to admire his handiwork.

  “I might as well have a tattoo on my forehead that says ‘Tyler’s woman’.”

  His grin was dead sexy. “We can arrange that. It would be considered a true honor by my people.”

  “Now you’re just being sarcastic,” she poked him in the stomach.

  “That hurts,” he complained when she poked a little too hard at his ribs.

  “Poor baby,” she cooed. “Maybe I should kiss it and make it better.”

  “Maybe you should.”

  The smile she flashed him was pure feminine affection and appreciation all rolled into one. Pressing him flat on his back, she leaned over and placed soft, soothing kisses where she had poked her finger. He lay back, enjoying the attention she gave him. All of a sudden, she sucked on the smooth skin there, leaving a bruise almost immediately.

  “There,” she smiled when she came up for air. “I marked you too.”

  “I’ll wear mine like a badge of honor. Not like a two bit hooker at a titty bar,” he quipped causing her to yelp and reach out to pinch to the spot that she had just marked.