Restraint (Heaven Hill Generations Book 5) Page 7

  “Oh my God, how are we related? Justice, you never take anything at face value. If there’s one person you should take that way, it’s Caelin-motherfucking-Blackfoot. A child of Tyler doesn’t know how to say things he doesn’t mean.”

  I mull over what she’s said. I want to believe it’s true, but it’s hard. Like everything else is with me when it comes to trusting others. Placing my happiness in other people's hands is the least natural thing for me to do.

  “I know, I know, but it’s not like it was for you,” I argue.

  “What is that supposed to mean? Losing my virginity was a big deal to me. Doing it with Bishop was an even bigger deal. Like Tyler, he wasn’t a virgin when we got together. All the time I worried he would compare me to the other girls he’d been with. It was hell on my self-esteem. Regardless of how anyone may come off to the world, Jus, sex is a big deal.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry if I offended you, it always seemed like it wasn’t a thing between the two of you.”

  “Because we made it that way. Once we did it, everything became easier, but that may not always be the case with everyone. Don’t give it up to Caelin tonight. You’ve been hanging onto it for a long time,” she giggles. “Play a little hard to get.”

  My heart slams against my chest and my stomach does a flip. “No way,” I laugh along with her. “That’s too much pressure.”

  “What you really need is to get comfortable with him. So tonight, if he tries to take your clothes off, let him. If you feel like touching him, do it. The more comfortable you are together, the better it’ll be when the time comes.”

  Write this down as things I thought I would never discuss with my sister. On my nightstand, my phone notifies me I have a text. Grabbing it, I hold it my chest. “It’s him. Don’t wait up.” I grab a backpack I’ve filled with things I might need, along with my purse.

  “Be good, Justice. He’s a good guy, he’ll wait.”

  As I sprint out of the apartment and down the hall, I know she’s right, but when I see him straddling his bike, I’m not sure I can.

  Chapter Eleven

  Caelin

  She runs toward me like one of those romance movies my mom and Addie like to watch all the time. Where there’s fake snow and someone’s either a baker or a secret prince. I try not to notice the way her tits bounce as her steps beat against the pavement. She’s wearing a sleeveless shirt in the heat of the afternoon.

  “Hey,” I greet her, pulling her in by her belt loop for a kiss. “You got your stuff.” I hitch my chin at her backpack.

  “I’m a girl, I require a lot,” she defends herself.

  “You don’t need anything other than yourself.”

  Her face flushes. “You’re going to be so good for my self-esteem.”

  “You ready?” I hand her a helmet.

  “You’ve never made me wear a helmet before,” she pouts.

  “Well, Drew heard you weren’t wearing one the other day and made me promise if you’re riding bitch on my bike, you’re protected.

  “Ugh, who tattled on me?”

  “No idea, but as soon as I find out, I’ll let you know.”

  She gets on behind me, immediately closing her arms around my waist. This feels right. Her behind me, me in front of her. Her arms looped around my waist and the heat of her breasts against the back of my cut. This is where she’s belonged for so long.

  Starting the bike, I accelerate out of the parking lot, loving the way she tightens her grip around me. Instead of turning left to go to the clubhouse, I turn to the right, for the first time showing someone besides my parents where I live.

  I take the back way so she’s can’t tell which way we’re going at first, but when we come out next to the interstate and I head south, I can feel the excitement in her grip on me. It takes just a few minutes for us to hit the exit and then turn onto Lover’s Lane, and then into a brand-new apartment complex.

  After we park, she looks around, shaking her head. “I never would’ve took you for a smack dab in the middle of town type of guy.”

  “Most don’t, but there’s something about sitting on my balcony, looking at the lights of Scottsville Road with a drink in my hand. It’s got the feel of a bigger city, but the lights, they calm me.”

  “Interesting, can’t say I ever thought about you needing to calm down, but maybe we all have our secrets.”

  “That we do.” I reach out, grabbing her hand in mine.

  Our fingers entangle as we take the steps up to my third floor unit. I purposely asked for something not on the ground floor, so I could see out of it whenever I wanted to. The best part is I can watch storms as they come in from the west.

  “Okay, don’t judge me,” I laugh. “I haven’t spent a lot of time here yet, but I do have a little bit of furniture.”

  A little bit being a TV, couch, and a bed. Anything else is on the list to purchase.

  When I open the door, I let her walk in first, hoping she acknowledges this is huge for me. Letting her into my private space that I’ve never let anyone else in, haven’t ever mentioned to most others.

  “It’s so you,” she laughs as she glances around.

  “It’s a work in progress.”

  “So are we. We don’t have to have everything figured out today, or tomorrow, or even next month. Just like your apartment, we can work on our relationship.”

  Something in my chest lets go, a knot I didn’t know was there loosens and I’m comfortable for the first time in a while. “I’m gonna change before we decide what to do for dinner, and on a movie. Do you want something to change into? I think I’d like to see you wearing my shirt,” I admit softly.

  Her eyes flutter up and down. “I brought something just in case, but I think I’d like that too.”

  She follows me back to my bedroom. I can feel her gaze taking in every bit of the almost bare space. Just like with the living room, there’s a TV and a bed. With someone else, I might let them pick out what they want to wear, but with her there’s a shirt in particular I’ve wanted to see her in for longer than I care to admit. Shirts we had made for a run with the club, my last name on the back of it. Rifling through my stuff, I pull it out, tossing it to her. “You can change in the hallway bathroom if you want.”

  Relief washes over her face.

  “I’m not here to force you into something you don’t want to do,” I remind her. “Whatever happens, happens. There are zero expectations.”

  “Thank you,” she whispers, turning her back to me and heading for the bathroom.

  When I hear the door shut, I quickly strip my clothes off, putting on a tank top and a pair of shorts. Normally I’d leave them laying in the floor, but I pick them up, putting my cut on a hanger and placing it in the closet, before balling up my dirty clothes and actually tossing them in the hamper. I can count on my hands the number of times I’ve done that since I moved here.

  After I’m done, I move to the living room, trying to decide what we should do for food.

  Delivery comes here where it doesn’t at the clubhouse. Funnily enough, it’s one of the reasons I wanted to move closer to town. I’m not a cook and like to order enough food to last me for a few days. Not to mention, I recently discovered grocery delivery and my mind is motherfucking blown.

  She comes out, the shirt gaping at the side, showing her maroon bra strap to my hungry gaze. Clearing my throat, I say the first thing that comes to mind. “My shirt looks goddamn good on you.”

  “It does.” She smiles shyly over at me. “Smells like you.” She brings the collar up over her nose, inhaling deeply.

  These little things she does, things I’ve taken for granted in other relationships, almost fucking murder me. She knows what I smell like, my shirt is touching her naked body the way my hands want to do. All of these small things are becoming a major obsession for me. Experiences I want to have with her, ones I’m not willing to have with anyone else ever again.

  “Your legs are so white,” she laughs.


  “What?” I look down at my legs. Compared to my arms they’re positively ghostly. “Well it’s not like I’m gonna be wearing shorts on the bike.”

  “I know, but damn you’re blinding.”

  “Oh you got jokes, I see.” I get up, reaching around her waist and pulling her to me, pressing my front to her back. I situate myself so that my mouth is at her ear. “We’ll see if you’re laughing at what I look like later on.”

  She makes a noise, deep in her throat. One I can imagine she’d make if I were pushing deep inside her. Smaller hands go over my larger ones, holding me as tight as I hold her. “I’ll never laugh about what you look like.”

  “You just did, babe.”

  “Only your legs,” she argues.

  “They are kinda white.” I give her this one.

  “Translucent,” she snorts, turning around in my arms. “Don’t they ever see the light of day?”

  “Not if I can help it.”

  “Maybe that’s what you need me around for. To make sure you get out and enjoy the sunshine. Always being in your office with the cold glare of a computer screen can’t be good for you.”

  “Tell you what, if you want to get me up and outta my seat, all you gotta do is say the word.”

  Our gazes lock and the moment become more serious than the two of us are prepared for. In one flash, I can almost see our entire lives up to this point together, and maybe what's to come later. Justice has been at the middle of everything that’s mattered for years, and now that I have - I’m not sure what to do with her.

  “I think you mentioned dinner.” She tucks her hands around herself. “I could eat.”

  “Me too, what do you want?”

  We spend way too long trying to figure out what we want with so many options, but when we agree on sushi and then place the order, we’re back to the silence.

  It’s a quietness I’ve never anticipated with Justice, but her nervousness comes to me in waves.

  “You know you’re safe with me, right?” I sit down on the couch, putting my arm along the back of it. “If this isn’t what you want, all you have to do is say the word and I’ll take you home.”

  She nods, having a seat next to me. For some reason she seems more at ease, curling against my side as she reaches for the remote. “I know, and thank you. It’s going to take a little getting used to. This is a trigger for me. New situations. Sometimes I’m fine, other times I get quiet and jumpy. I’m sorry.”

  “No need to be sorry, Jus. Now that I know - you never have to apologize again.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Justice

  “Thanks for agreeing to sushi, Harley hates it. Can’t even stand the smell of it.”

  “And she’s your best friend, so I’m sure you never get it.” He picks up a piece with his chopsticks before dipping it into the soy sauce and wasabi mixture.

  Out of habit, I shrug. “Harley’s the last person on the face of the earth I want to argue with. Even though as kids we argued all the time. It changed.”

  “When you were kidnapped?” he finishes for me.

  “Yeah, it’s like we realized how much we love one another. It wasn’t easy for her. Just like it wasn’t easy for me.”

  He’s quiet for a few minutes, eating along with me. “Is it true what people say about twins?”

  People have said a lot about us over the years, and I wonder exactly what he’s talking about. “Which part?”

  “That you can feel when she’s in trouble and vice versa. It’s just something I’ve always heard, and I’ve wondered.”

  I think of all the times I’ve known something happened to her, how I’ve felt the need to reach her before anyone else has. Same with me. There have been nights she came into my bedroom and wrapped herself around me without me having to ask her to. Somehow she just knew I needed her presence. I’ve never asked how she knew because I feel the same.

  “Yeah, it is true. Every time we’ve needed one another, we knew before the other asked.”

  “I don’t have the right to ask this, but how about when you were kidnapped?”

  I chew thoughtfully before I answer. “Believe it or not, no one’s ever asked me this. I was always the one who was a step behind - slower, more thoughtful in my approach to everything I did. It was a known fact that when we were getting ready or anything of that nature, I would be the last one there. Which is probably why Tatum thought nothing of me not being right next to her, the day they grabbed me.”

  “Do you blame Tatum or your sister?”

  Setting my chopsticks down, I meet his gaze with mine. “I did,” I whisper. “For a really long time I did. I would think why in the hell could you not have waited for me? Why did you leave me by myself? It wasn’t until I got some therapy and perspective that I understood. But it was still hard, ya know? Once you get into the woe is me mindset, it’s almost impossible to get out of it. Especially as a kid, it was difficult to understand all the facts in play for that one moment to work out for Travis. Now I know, and I’m almost ashamed I thought badly of them.”

  “No.” He reaches over, grabbing hold of my hand. “I thought badly of them too. I wondered why they put us both in that situation. How the two of us,” - he motions, indicating me and him - “the youngest of the bunch, were put in the situation we ended up in. It was unfair, and I raged about it longer than I should have. Eventually I grew up enough to realize we’re predestined to be who we are, and no matter what, we can’t change it.”

  I give a small smile, picking my chopsticks back up and stealing a piece of his sushi rolls off his plate. “So you’re saying no matter what, we would be right here, together?”

  “I like to think so.”

  “I do too.”

  Silently we finish our meal, at peace and at ease with ourselves in a way I don’t think we are with other people.

  “I’m so full,” I groan as I lay on his couch, patting my stomach. “I’ve got a small food baby up in here.”

  He laughs, lifting my shirt, eyeing the roundness. “You definitely do.”

  “One of the perks of exercising like I do, I still don’t have rock hard abs and you can tell when I eat something that swells me up.” I blow out a breath, letting my lips flap back and forth against each other. “I know, totally ladylike.”

  “I never thought of you as anything but.”

  “There’s something I want to ask you.” I roll my lips between my teeth. “But I’m not sure if I really wanna know the answer.”

  His eyebrows come together in confusion. “Never know until you ask, Jus. Your pulse is pounding at your throat though, so this should be good.”

  “The past few years. All the women…” I stop, collecting myself and trying not to be as transparent as I know I am. “Did they mean anything to you? Did you…”

  “Did I what?”

  This time, I power through, answering the question in one long stream of words. “Did you think about me when you were with them?”

  He blows out a breath to match the one I did earlier, before having a seat on the couch next to me. Caelin turns to face me, boxing me in with his arm over the back, and his other one resting on the coffee table in front of us. His voice is low and rough when he answers. “No, I never allowed myself to think about you. It wasn’t emotional.” He tilts his head back, looking up at the ceiling. “It was purely physical. An ache I needed to sate in my balls, but not in my heart.”

  “So you never thought of me?”

  “I wouldn’t.” He swallows hard. “To me it was disrespectful to do that to you. I’m sure there are many who would say it was disrespectful to see other women, but you’re so much younger than I am.”

  “I understand.” I lay my hand on his forearm, moving it up to his bicep, tracing the muscle bunching. “I dated other guys, but none of them were you.”

  “Neither one of us knew what to do with the feelings between us.” His eyes stray to where my fingers are, trailing up and down his tattooed skin.

&nb
sp; “They were so big,” I whisper.

  A groan tears from his throat. “They still are.”

  I can’t stop myself. I’ve been wanting to touch him as mine for years now. Bringing my free hand to the front of his pajama pants, I sneak my fingers under the cotton of his t-shirt and slide them against the hot muscle of his stomach.

  “What are you doing?”

  Leaning against him, I tuck my head into the crook of his neck. “I want to experience new things with you. Try all the stuff I’ve heard Harley talk about. Can I do that?”

  “You might fuckin’ kill me,” he half-snarls.

  Pulling back, I smirk. “But what a way to go, right?”

  I’m unprepared for the way he falls back, taking me with him. His hands on my ass urge me to separate my thighs and straddle him as he adjusts against the cushions of the couch.

  The dark eyes of his that I love so much almost glow as I drop down, putting us directly into contact with one another, through our clothes.

  “If I do anything that makes you uncomfortable, Jus, all you have to do is tell me.”

  I nod, my stupidly excited heart thudding against the wall of my chest. He leans forward slightly, lifting up off the cushions. With the softness I’ve come to know from him, he pushes my hair back and cups my jaw, taking my lips with his.

  This kiss is different from any of the others we’ve shared. It’s slow, lazy, but precise and full of promise at the same time. He’s unhurried, owning my mouth with his as he explores the depths, taking possession of what I have freely given him.

  Slowly, he lowers himself, bringing me with him. My arms snake around his neck, my fingers tangling in the short hair at the nape of his neck, before moving up and into the longer strands on top of his head. Our lips fuse harder together as I pull him to me.

  We tilt together, somehow knowing where the other is going almost instinctively. His hands circle my waist, pushing me back slightly. We’re both breathing hard, drunk on whatever this is happening between us. His eyes meet mine, before he tucks his chin in, kissing my bare shoulder.