In Tune (Red Bird Trail Trilogy Book 3) Page 3

  “But you’re no expert,” Liam finished.

  “Yes! I mean what can I do to help her? Every time one of us inadvertently brings it up, she looks at me with this guilt, and then I feel awful.”

  Liam rolled around the predicament in his head, wondering what he could do to help them. There was only one thing he was sure would work, and he felt weird about bringing it up, but he knew he had to. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled a worn card out of his wallet.

  “Go see her; her name is Doc Jones. Let her know you’re affiliated with us. This is the only way either of you are going to move on, and I have to admit to you, I’m rooting for you two to get your shit together. So is Remy and everyone else who knows you. Until you force her to face this issue, you won’t be able to move on. And, Cash,” Liam leveled him with a look, “it’s time.”

  Flipping the card over in between his fingers, he wondered if what Liam said was the truth.

  “Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”

  “Don’t see.” Liam shook his head. “Just do.”

  Famous last words.

  ‡

  Chapter Seven

  “I so needed this,” Harper said as she took a long drink of her frappé.

  “I needed BFF time, so it’s my pleasure.” Nat smiled at her as she paid for both their drinks.

  Quickly the two of them grabbed straws and napkins to set their drinks on. Making their way to a quiet section, they took their seats.

  “So how is everything going?” Nat bit the bullet and asked what had been on her mind.

  “Things are going okay,” Harper admitted, taking another drink from the plastic cup.

  Nat pursed her lips. “That sounds way different than things had been going for the two of you before. C’mon, let it out. With me you can be honest, Harper.”

  Harper knew she was right. If there was someone she could be truthful with, it was Nat. “It’s like we’re almost too polite with one another. Neither one of us wants to rock the boat or cause problems, so we’re always on our best behavior. That’s never been me nor Cash.”

  “What about the sex?”

  Leave it to Nat to get to the down and dirty.

  “It’s not happening. I told him we didn’t know each other and we needed to get to know each other before we jumped back into a sexual relationship.” Harper sighed. “But I don’t think we’re making any fucking progress in getting to know one another either. We’re both so worried about pushing each other too far that we’re not pushing at all.”

  She paused and ran a hand through her hair. “So we’re not getting anywhere. We’re stuck at this point where we’re like roommates, and I hate it.”

  “So change it,” Nat advised. “You laid down the ground rules, you can change them. There’s nothing that says you can’t.”

  Harper rolled that around in her head for a minute. “But I know myself. I know how I am with him. He winks at me, and I dissolve in a puddle of goo. He’s just so fucking hot, and the two of us have so much chemistry. I want us to last; I don’t want us to combust and burn out.”

  “But you’re never gonna know if you’d burn out if you don’t take a chance, Harper.”

  “I hear what you’re saying, but the fact of the matter is, we still haven’t talked about my dad. We still haven’t discussed the elephant in the room, and I know until we do that we can’t move forward.”

  “Shit. Seriously? Why aren’t you?” Nat slammed her hand down on the table as a thought occurred to her. “You’re holding yourself back purposely, aren’t you?”

  “I want Cash to come to me. I want him to want me so much that he’s the one who breaks down and admits his feelings. It’s always been me with everyone else,” Harper admitted. “I’ve always had to pretend that I’m okay, no matter what. This time I want him to sacrifice.”

  “Harper, I love you, but that’s not fair,” Natalie said softly. “Comparing him to the other people in your life isn’t fair to either of you. You’re punishing him for what your dad did, you’re making him make up for what your dad did. You realize that, right?”

  Put that way, Harper knew she was setting them up for failure, but she was still selfish enough that she wanted to keep her feelings to herself. If she kept her feelings to herself, then she didn’t have to worry about being hurt. She knew it made no sense for the most part, but it was the one thing she’d held on tightly too for most of her life.

  “I don’t want to be the one to put myself out there, Nat.” she allowed the tears to pool in her eyes. “For once, I want to be the person that someone else wants.”

  “He does want you! Anyone who sees the two of you together, who sees the way he looks at you, has no doubt that the man wants you. If you’re needing validation for your own feelings, you’re not going to get it from him, and you’re going to ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” Nat was on a roll, and she wasn’t about to stop. “I may not have been his biggest cheerleader to begin with, but I see you. I see how much you love him, even if you can’t admit that to yourself. I see it, Harper, but he doesn’t. You have to tell him. The two of you have got to start talking about some feelings; otherwise, you’re both throwing away your opportunity to be happy.”

  “I’m doing the best I can.” Harper cried.

  “Your best isn’t good enough. If anything should prove to you that he’s a better man than anyone else you’ve ever known, it should be the fact that he forgave you when you could have lost him his brother.”

  Those words hit her harder than she expected. He could have lost Remy, all because she hadn’t been able to face what had happened to her, all because she’d been selfish. Selfish had gotten her nowhere but in a bind. How many times would she take the easy way out? How many times would she allow herself to just pretend that life was good and she didn’t feel?

  “Aren’t you sick of it, Harper?” Nat pushed on. “You could be so fucking happy. You have it all—everything that people want—and you won’t grab hold of it. You’re too scared. Stop letting the past define you. Take it by the balls, and show it who’s boss.”

  Harper questioned if she was strong enough to do that. She didn’t realize she’d said the words aloud until Natalie grabbed her hand.

  “You’re the strongest person I know, but being strong has made you think you can’t feel. I’m telling you it’s okay to feel, girl. Feel it all. It’s not going to happen all at once, but you’ve got to give yourself permission.”

  Therein lay her problem. Would she ever allow herself? And if she did, what if it was too late?

  ‡

  Chapter Eight

  “Son of a bitch,” Cash cursed as he threw down the skillet he’d grabbed off the stove and ran his finger under cold water. “Motherfuckin’ piece of shit,” he hissed as he stomped his foot, groaning.

  “Are you okay?” Remy asked from where he sat at the kitchen table. “When Harper burns herself, she doesn’t say all those words.”

  “You don’t say?” Those words were still flowing through Cash’s mind as he thought he saw a blister appearing on his finger. This hurt way worse than when he burned his finger on an auto part.

  “Yeah, she normally runs it under the water and starts counting. I don’t know what the counting does, but when she gets to thirty, she’s usually fine.”

  He mumbled under his breath. “That’s because she has such a tight grasp on her emotions that she isn’t human for the most part.”

  “What?” Remy asked.

  “Nothing. Shouldn’t Harper be home soon?” He looked at his pathetic attempt of grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup. It wasn’t often that Harper got to hang out with Nat now, so when she’d texted him that they were going out for coffee, he’d encouraged her to go. To say he was regretting that choice now was an understatement.

  “I don’t know.” Remy got up from the kitchen table and walked over to the stove. When he looked at the grilled cheese, he turned his nose up. “Should it be that black? Harper’s
is usually a brown color, and she cuts the crust off.”

  “Do I look like Harper?” he asked, harsher than he meant to. He didn’t like being compared, especially when they all knew Remy was probably a better cook than he was.

  “No, she’s way prettier than you.” Remy giggled.

  “Oh, you got jokes?”

  “I do.” Remy nodded, standing up as tall as he could to his big brother.

  It had been a long time since they’d played around like this, and Cash couldn’t help the smile on his face. “I got jokes too, little bro.”

  “Whatcha got?” Remy got closer, pushing his chest out.

  Quickly Cash turned around, turned the water on and grabbed the hose out of the sink, using the sprayer to spray—not bothering to care as water soaked the floor. “I got this.”

  Remy squealed as he tried to get away from the sprayer, ducking behind the kitchen chair. “Stop, I’m sorry.” He giggled, laughing even louder as Cash stretched the sprayer as far as he could, getting Remy on the head.

  They were so deep into their water fight that they didn’t hear the front door open, didn’t feel the coolness of the air before the door closed, and didn’t notice Harper until she yelled at them.

  “What in the hell are the two of you doing?”

  They both stopped and stood still, the giggling ceased, and they looked like two little kids who’d gotten in trouble.

  “Who’s gonna clean this up?” she continued as she took in the state of the kitchen, including the burnt smell of the grilled cheese.

  “She looks mad, doesn’t she?” Remy asked, moving from his spot behind the chair to stand partially behind Cash.

  “Pretty mad,” Cash agreed, turning around to wink at his brother.

  “Steaming mad,” Remy emphasized steaming, trying not to let his laugh out as he pushed his hand over his mouth.

  “What do you say, Rem? You think we should cool her off?”

  “You wouldn’t!” Harper realized what they were doing too late, right as Cash turned the stream of water on her.

  She advanced on them, fighting back as Remy stood behind Cash laughing and yelling in excitement.

  “I’m going to kill the both of you.” She laughed, pushing her hair back from her face. It was wet and in the way as she fought Cash for control of the sprayer.

  It was a hard-fought battle, and finally Cash’s arms got tired of holding her back. “Okay, okay. Truce?” he asked, holding his hands up to show he meant it.

  Harper glanced down at her wet shirt, wet pants, and pushed her wet hair back from her face again. “Okay, truce.”

  The three of them looked around the kitchen, taking in the mess they had made.

  “I’m not cleaning this up by myself.” Harper put her hands on her hips, daring the two of them to argue with her.

  An hour later, they had all cleaned up the kitchen, taken showers, and were eating their cold food. Miracle of all miracles, no one griped about how badly it tasted; they were too busy still giggling over their water fight.

  Harper glanced at the two of them, wondering if this was an appropriate time to express her feelings. She’d never felt as close to the two of them as she did in this moment. “I’ve never had a water fight before,” she admitted as she took a bite of the grilled cheese Cash had made for her.

  “It’s been a long time for us.” Cash laughed. “I can’t remember it real clear, but Remy and I have definitely thrown down before.”

  “It was fun.” She laughed, thinking again of the scene as she’d entered the apartment. “I love y’all,” she blurted out, hoping it didn’t sound as stupid to them as it sounded to her own ears.

  Remy grinned over at her. “Duh, Harp, we love you too.”

  Cash didn’t say anything, and she desperately wanted him to, but when she glanced over at him, there was a warm look in his eyes. He slowly chewed on the bite of food in his mouth, and when he swallowed, he took a drink and finally spoke. “We sure do.”

  In that moment, Harper Stillwell almost cried.

  ‡

  Chapter Nine

  Harper cranked up the heat in her car. The November day was much cooler than normal, and she was glad that she’d worn her hoodie and boots. Traffic was heavy as she headed out towards Walker’s Wheels. Since she’d admitted her feelings to Cash and Remy, she’d tried very hard to back up her words with action.

  Glancing over at the bag that held food from a local fast food restaurant, she hoped Cash would take this as a goodwill gesture. She hadn’t even brought him lunch before, and she had noticed he’d taken off without grabbing the leftovers she’d packed for him the night before.

  As she finally approached the turn-off, her heart beat steadily against her chest. It was stupid really, that she felt this nervous about surprising him at work. Everyone knew they had been together at one point, and no one other than her probably even thought that it meant anything. This did to her. It solidified in her mind that she was turning the corner, she was allowing herself to feel things she’d never allowed herself to feel before.

  Parking the car, she grabbed the bag and got out of the driver’s seat. It took her a minute to adjust to the temperature change and to find where Cash was working, but as soon as she did, she quickly made her way over to where he was.

  *

  “Look alive.” Tyler knocked Cash on the arm with his elbow. “Your lady is here.”

  Cash really wished he would stop calling her that, because they didn’t have labels on anything, and he was afraid if she heard the guys referring to them being together she’d get scared and run. There was only so far and so fast he could chase her, and he had a feeling she could run faster and farther than he could. He played it cool, purposely not looking up from the car he was working on for at least a minute. When he finally did, his eyes met hers, and he grinned at her across the parking lot.

  She hadn’t ever looked so good to him. She wore a hoodie over the upper half of her body and tight jeans on the bottom, tucked into boots. They made her legs look a mile long, and he thought that maybe he liked her covered up just as much as he liked her with nothing on at all. There was something erotic about it, the fact that he knew exactly what she looked like with her clothes off.

  She offered him a wave as he approached.

  “What’s going on?” he asked, stepping out from behind the car he worked on. He made sure to clean his hands with the rag he had sitting on the quarter panel of the car; he needed to get himself under control, and it gave him a good excuse.

  “You forgot your lunch,” she said when she got close enough. She thrust the bag towards him. “I knew you’d be hungry, so I brought you something.”

  He hadn’t even realized he’d forgotten his lunch.

  “Go on.” Tyler pushed him towards the back area of the shop where they had several picnic tables set up. They had enclosed a couple of them so that they’d have a place to eat at in the winter time. “Take lunch.”

  Cash grabbed Harper’s hand and lead her back to the picnic area. They had heaters set up in the enclosed spaces, and he quickly turned one on, knowing that it wouldn’t take very long for it to warm up.

  He had a seat on the bench and indicated that she should have a seat next to him. He looked into the bag. “You didn’t get yourself anything?” he asked as they got situated.

  “I figured I could steal some of your fries.” She winked.

  It had been a while since Harper had flirted with him, and it gave him hope that things were changing—and changing for the better this time rather than going in the opposite direction. “What’s mine is yours, sweetheart,” he told her as he poured his fries out on the bag and opened packets of ketchup.

  She reached over as soon as he had the ketchup out and grabbed a couple of fries before dunking them in the sauce and then eating them quickly. “How’s your day going?”

  “Not too bad. You know I’d much rather be here than at school. I’m glad it’s a school-free day. How was class?
”

  She sighed. “I try really hard to believe we’re doing these classes and getting these degrees in order to improve our lives, but sometimes I wonder. I want to finish, I’ve started, I wanted to see it through to the end, but some days I get so bored.”

  He nodded, because he understood exactly where she came from. “I know; you sit there and think, ‘Out of all these hours I sit in class, I could be out there trying to make money—trying to make a better life for us.’”

  “Exactly, but then I remember that I want to work for myself, and I remember that I have to learn how to do things the right way, but damn if I’m not bored sometimes.”

  He ate the rest of his food in companionable conversation with her. As he took the last bite of his burger, he spoke again. “Thank you for bringing me this,” he told her.

  “Not a problem at all. It was nice to see you in the middle of the day.”

  He had to agree. It definitely was nice to see her. Walking her back through the garage, they had made it back into the parking lot when the loud sound of a car backfiring ricocheted off the asphalt, and Cash yelled, jumping.

  When he looked over at Harper, he was shocked to find she’d hit the ground like she’d been shot at. Her hands were over her head, and he could see her shaking from where he stood over her. It was then that he got it, understood what she was scared of. He could read the fear in the way she held her body, in the quickness with which she had hit the ground. His eyes immediately sought out Layne O’Connor, the member of the Heaven Hill MC who had struggled with PTSD after a stint in Iraq—Travis was helping him up off the ground. She was just as scarred from her experience as Layne had been from his.

  “Hey, you’re okay,” he told her as he leaned down and tried to pick her up off the ground.