In Tune (Red Bird Trail Trilogy Book 3) Page 4

  “What was that?” she asked, her voice trembling as she gasped for air.

  “Car backfired. You are perfectly fine,” he told her again, taking note of her wobbling chin.

  “I thought—” she breathed deeply, trying to catch her breath. “I thought someone—” she started crying in earnest then. “I thought someone was shooting at us.”

  Cash saw the tears streaming down her face and did the only thing he could think of. He folded her in his arms and tucked her head under his chin. “It’s going to be okay; you’re fine. I’m here.”

  She clung to him as if he were her anchor in a stormy sea. He held her tightly, telling her that he wasn’t going to let go.

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  Chapter Ten

  Cash stood in the doorway of the bedroom he’d once shared with Harper, watching as she slept fitfully. He wasn’t for sure how long he’d been standing there watching her, but his feet were numb. He figured at this point it had been hours. She’d started out the night pretty quiet.

  He’d come home from work a few hours after their lunch and put her to bed once he realized her nerves were still shot from the car backfiring. He’d never seen anyone react that way, and it worried him more than he could say.

  He watched as she turned onto her back and then her head thrashed this way and that. He could tell she was in the middle of a dream, and it appeared that it wasn’t a good one. Unlike the dreams she’d had before with him, she wasn’t talking during this one. Whatever was going on, she was dealing with it in silence—much like she did most everything else.

  Her breathing sped up, and he was afraid she was going to hyperventilate. He moved closer, having decided he was going to attempt to wake her up, when she shot straight up in bed and panted loudly. Her hair was plastered against her neck and forehead, and she was as pale as he’d ever seen her.

  “Harper,” he said softly as he made his way over to the bed. “I’m here, you’re not alone. I’m here.”

  She turned her head at the sound of his voice, searching for him in the dark. As soon as she located him, she threw herself at him, twining her arms around his neck and holding on tightly. “Cash, what’s going on with me?”

  He had a very good idea, but he wasn’t sure if she would be receptive. “You were involved in something very scary as a child, Harper, I don’t think you’ve ever fully dealt with it, and I sure as hell don’t think you’ve ever fully recovered. You can’t even bring yourself to tell me what happened.”

  She heard what he was saying, but she didn’t want it to sink in. If it sunk in, that meant she would have to take responsibility for her own feelings, and there would be a need for her to talk about the situation. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to talk about the incident. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered, burying her head in his neck.

  “I think you need to talk to someone. Liam recommended someone to me, a Doc Jones. Apparently the members of Heaven Hill go to her, and she’s helped some of them through situations in their lives. If those guys trust her, then I think she’s trustworthy.”

  Talking to someone? That was the last thing she wanted to do, but she had to admit she’d felt fucking stupid hitting the parking lot because a car had backfired. It would require her opening up parts of herself that she’d assumed were completely closed off.

  “I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that,” she argued.

  Cash pulled back from her. “Let me be real honest with you, Harper. I love you, I want to be with you, but I don’t think I can completely be with you until we face what’s happened in your past. It’s the one thing we don’t talk about. I know it’s not going to be all rainbows and unicorns; I don’t expect that. What I do expect is that you want to get better as much as I want you to get better.”

  She took a deep breath. “I love you too, but it’s hard to open up that part of myself. It’s hard to have the courage to fight.”

  “I know, Harper. Fuck, of all people, I know. But if you don’t want it enough for you—want it for me—want it for Remy. We love you, we want to be a part of your life, we want you to be a part of ours, but it’s not fair to any of us if you keep holding a part of yourself closed.” He swallowed roughly. “Love isn’t about the easy parts. It’s about opening up the parts that hurt and allowing the person who loves you to heal them.”

  Her heart constricted at his words; she knew he was right, she knew the words he spoke were one hundred percent the truth, but taking that leap was still the hardest thing she’d ever said yes to in her life. “You’ll be with me?”

  “Every step of the way. There is no way in hell I’d let you do this by yourself. We do this together.”

  “You won’t think badly of me?”

  He couldn’t help the chuckle. “If I didn’t permanently kick your ass to the curb when this all came to light, what in the hell makes you think I’m going to do it now?”

  She laughed along with him, sniffling as she rubbed at the end of her nose. “That’s the damn truth.”

  They were quiet for a few minutes, both lost in their thoughts. Finally she nodded.

  “Okay, if you’re gonna be with me, I can do this. I want to do this. Let’s make an appointment.”

  Cash wanted to shout his joy to the moon. He wanted to grab her by the cheeks and kiss the daylights out of her, but he wasn’t sure how that would be received. They were making strides, and they were getting closer, but he wasn’t sure they were at that point yet. Wrapping her in his arms, he leaned back against the pillows of the bed. He told himself that all he wanted to do was make her feel safe, and if this was the way he could do it, then he would. For the first time in weeks, they lay down in the same bed together and fell asleep, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

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  Chapter Eleven

  Harper held tightly to Cash’s hand as they made their way down a rutted gravel driveway. This was as far out in the county as she had ever been, and she had to wonder how this doctor had so many people coming to her, and not the other way around.

  Meredith, who had sought her out over the past few days, had assured her the doctor was worth seeing. Doc Jones had been the only one to help her through a vicious and violent rape. When Harper had heard those words, she’d been shocked. Meredith was a happily married mom of two who obviously enjoyed a healthy sex life with her husband. It was then Harper realized that perhaps Doc Jones could help her.

  “Are you nervous?” Cash asked as he parked the car and shut it off. He was nervous—more nervous than he’d been in a long time. This meant a lot. It meant the continuation of their relationship; it would answer the question on whether they could remain together or not. This meant everything.

  “I would be lying if I said I wasn’t,” she admitted. She hadn’t been this nervous or scared since she’d said yes to moving in with him. That had worked out okay, but it had also caused problems of its own. The question she had to ask herself was if the end supported the means, and in this situation, it did.

  “I’m nervous too,” he was saying. “I think I’m nervous this won’t fix our problems. I hate to think we put this much into it and we still have issues. What if we find out this isn’t the problem? What if there’s more? I mean, what if we’re as fucked up as people seem to think we are?”

  She grinned. “I think I’m more nervous that it will fix our problems, because then we’ll have to truly admit we’re in an adult relationship.”

  As they climbed the steps of the porch, the front door opened, and they were met by an older woman.

  “I take it you’re Doc Jones?” Cash asked, his hand protectively on Harper’s arm.

  “I am, and I take it you’re Harper and Cash?”

  Introductions were quickly made, and they were ushered inside.

  *

  Marcia Jones had been helping people for most of her life. There wasn’t a single client she hadn’t helped, and over the last few years, she’d helped a lot of people associated with the Heaven Hill MC. N
one of those people had looked as haunted as the two young kids who had just entered her office, and that was saying something.

  She invited them to sit down, watching as they sat closely to one another on the couch, but without touching. They both looked at each other, just barely missing the other staring. The tension between the two of them was thick, but Marcia could feel that it wasn’t the type of tension that tore people apart, it was the kind that brought people together. It just had to be directed. It had to be harnessed and leashed. She hoped harder than she had in a long time that she could do that for these two.

  “I know you were given my name by the Heaven Hill MC. I was called and told you would be coming today. My question is, why are the two of you here?”

  *

  Harper hadn’t expected that to be the first question out of the therapist’s mouth. She had expected a slow introduction, perhaps talking about their relationship before she got to the nitty gritty. But no, she’d gone straight for the jugular.

  “Personally I’m here because I’m sick of being scared. I want to live my life, but I can’t until I let some pretty serious stuff from my past go. I’ve been told you’re amazing at helping people let go of all the bullshit. That’s what I want.”

  Doc Jones turned to Cash and asked him the same question.

  “I want to be able to completely trust Harper again. I want her to be one hundred percent in this with me and not have doubts as to where we are.” He swallowed roughly. “There’s also parts of me that have some childhood issues I need to deal with, but I want to deal with our,” he pointed between the two of them, “situation first, because it means the most to me.”

  “Good, our goals are laid out so that we all know where we want to be. Now why don’t the two of you tell me what happened to make him question that trust.”

  Harper took it upon herself to explain all of what had gone on. After all, it had been her father and their situation together that had almost ultimately ruined it. It wasn’t easy to talk about her past, to talk about the things that had happened, to hear the sharp intake of breath from Cash as she told of her betrayal. None of it was easy, but she put herself through it because she had to. If she didn’t give their relationship a real shot, she knew she’d never forgive herself, and if that meant she finally had to see herself in a bad light, then so be it.

  Doc Jones listened with a pen in hand, making notes as Harper talked. Several times Harper witnessed Doc Jones eyes going to Cash, especially when she explained things that had more than likely been difficult for him. She didn’t say a word for a few moments after Harper finished, making more notes on her yellow legal pad.

  “I’m correct in my assumption that the two of you do indeed care for one another a great deal?”

  Cash was the first to answer. “Hell, yes, we wouldn’t be here if we didn’t, but I think after hearing that story, you realize, as we do, that there’s a lot of growing up and a lot of forgiving that needs to be done here. It won’t happen overnight, and we both know that, but we need help to get there.”

  “I love Cash. I may have a weird way of showing it.” Harper swallowed roughly. “But my heart has always been in the right place, even when it seemed as if I was being shady. I wasn’t, I didn’t mean to be.”

  “You love her?” Doc Jones tilted her head to Cash.

  “Without a doubt. I want my life and family to be with her, but I don’t know how to get there.”

  Doc Jones grinned at the two of them. “Then that’s what we’re going to figure out. What it takes for the two of you to be a family and to be together. It might be a slow process, or you might wake up one day and realize what you have to do in order to get there. Either way, I’ll be with you. I’m not going to let you two give up on each other. I won’t give up on either one of you.”

  Finally Cash and Harper clasped hands. Giving up was easy. They wanted the hard—the hard meant more than either of them had ever known it would. With the clasp of their hands, they realized they were in this for the long haul. No matter how long that took.

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  Chapter Twelve

  Cash stomped his feet and blew into his hands as he stood outside his car, waiting for the Trail to start. Normally they didn’t run the Trail in November. It was too cold, tires didn’t stick, and the people who normally bet were too busy trying to save up for the holidays—which was ironic because that was exactly what he was trying to do. He’d never bought a woman a gift for Christmas, but he knew he was going to have to buy Harper one this year. He wanted to get her something good, something meaningful, and in his experience that cost money. Money they didn’t have.

  “The crowd is a little thin.”

  Cash looked to his left, noting Slim had come to stand beside him.

  “Yeah, but what do you expect? It’s two weeks to Thanksgiving. Most honorable people are either saving, buying, or have bought Christmas gifts. It’s much busier than I thought it would be. There’s a chance we could make some money here tonight.”

  Rodrigo came up to them. “The purse is light, but the people that are here expect a good race. At least make it interesting for them.”

  Cash hated when Rodrigo acted like he had a say in how the race ended. It wasn’t pre-scripted. No one he knew worth their car would hand over a race to someone else. They did this because they loved it and needed the money. Sometimes, he would admit, he craved the adrenaline rush. He figured that was what people who did drugs felt like. The ever-elusive high they sought—he got one every time he got behind the wheel of his car and revved the engine.

  “The race will be what the race will be. There’s no way either of us can predict it, and if that’s what you’re asking us to do, well you know how I feel about that.” Cash let a lazy, but lethal grin spread across his face.

  Once before, when he’d first started running the Trail, Rodrigo had asked him to throw a race. Cash had thrown a right fist, laying Rodrigo flat on his back. He’d never been asked again.

  “Understood.” Rodrigo told him. “You might wanna get into your car, amigo; we’re about to start.”

  *

  Harper ran her sweaty hands over her jean-clad thighs. Cash was running the Trail, and she was here, with a therapist. Doc Jones had suggested they meet separately a few times, and she’d told the two of them she’d be willing to meet them no matter the time. Late at night was sometimes what it would have to be.

  “What do you feel like is the one thing holding you back from being happy in your life?” Doc Jones asked, watching Harper with a sharp eye.

  There were many things that many people would say, and all of them would probably be true, but she knew exactly what hers was. It wasn’t money, it wasn’t worrying about her grades, it wasn’t worrying that her car might one day give up and not start on her. “The fear that my dad is going to come back and punish me for putting him in jail. He could have killed me, probably should have since I was the only witness to his crime, but he didn’t. Now, I live with that niggling sense of fear at the back of my neck every goddamn day, and I never relax.”

  There she’d said it. Never before had she admitted that out loud. Not to anyone.

  Doc Jones frantically made notes in the same yellow legal pad she’d had the first time Harper had come to visit. She took her glasses off and looked Harper square in the face. “I have to admit, I didn’t think you’d be this forthcoming with me, even without Cash here, but I’m glad you have been. I think easy is a relative term, but that was much easier than I thought it would be. Which tells me you’ve been thinking about it a very long time.”

  “I have.” Harper breathed. “I can’t even put my finger on when it was, but at some point, I became sick of living my life in fear. Fat good it did, because I still haven’t figured out how to let that fear go.”

  “Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you’ve owned up to it; it’s your fear. It’s not some being floating out there on a mental plane that you can’t identify. This is yours. Now the qu
estion is how do you work through it.”

  “I have no idea.” Harper shrugged her shoulders helplessly.

  “You wanna know what I think?”

  “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. I’m open to this because I want to move past this feeling that I have. I’m ready to be fixed. So fix me, Doc.”

  Doc Jones did something she hardly ever did. She got up from her seat and went to sit next to Harper on the couch, grabbing the younger woman’s hand in hers. “What I’m going to tell you isn’t going to be easy, but I feel like you have to do it.”

  “I’ll do anything. I want this over with. I want my life back.”

  “Honey, you need to confront him. You need to talk to him, ask what the hell he was thinking when he did what he did. Ask him if he’s thought about retribution on you. Whatever he says, take it as the truth and move on with your life.”

  Harper felt her heart stop; she was almost positive she was dying. “What?”

  “You want answers? You ask the person you want the answers from. If you go to him, then you’ve taken the element of surprise away from him. You are in the driver’s seat.”

  There was a part of Harper that realized the woman spoke truth; there was another part of her that thought the woman was in-fucking-sane. “I’ll think about it.” At this moment that was all she could promise.

  “I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think it would work. I don’t want you hurt any more than you already have been. The best gift you could give me would be to walk in here and tell me that you and Cash have worked out your problems and you’re a normal couple, but I know until you get the situation with your dad under control—you never will.” She paused for effect. “How long are you going to let him control your life? How long is too long? When is enough enough?”

  That was the million dollar question.

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  Chapter Thirteen