Inflame: Midnight Cove #1 Read online

  She scrambles down from the booth, running across the floor while her boots beat a rhythm. When she goes into the women’s restroom, I turn to see Ash staring at me. Uncomfortable, I lick my suddenly dry lips. “Sounds like a fun day.”

  He groans, and I swear to God, I feel the groan all through my body. It literally sends goosebumps up my arms and across my chest. My nipples peak, probably because it’s been so long since they had a mouth on them. Damn, I need to have a date, and I need to have a date soon. Preferably with the man sitting in front of me.

  “Fun day for her,” he croaks out, before clearing his throat and coughing into the crook of his elbow. “Sorry, we were busy as hell last night, and all the yelling made me hoarse today. I could use a week of sleep, and then maybe I’d feel somewhat well rested, and my voice would be back to normal.”

  The scratchy quality is what I imagine is the way he sounds after he’s just gotten up in the morning, or maybe when he’s hoping to get down and dirty with the woman occupying the other side of his bed. I have to say, it’s giving me ideas. Ideas that I totally shouldn’t have right here in broad daylight. These are much better reserved for at night when I’m alone.

  “It’s okay,” I give him a grin, hoping it’s just on this side of flirtatious but doesn’t make me seem desperate. At least I hope it doesn’t make me seem desperate. “Busy night last night?”

  He’s willing to talk to me, for the first time in months, so there’s no way I’m letting this conversation go.

  “Yeah, people just don’t respect nature. They don’t value life,” a shadow darkens his eyes, and I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking about. “Instead of taking a few extra minutes to get to where they want to go, they get in a hurry and nine times out of ten end up in an accident. That’s what happened last night.”

  “Over across the bridge?” I remember hearing about it on my way to work this morning. The officer who drove Bridget and I in was talking about it. They’d said there was one fatality and someone else had been life-flighted.

  “Yeah,” he bites his bottom lip. “The fatality was a little girl about Syd’s age. Which is why, even though I’d really like nothing more than to get a few hours’ sleep, I’m doing whatever she wants to today. Last night a father lost the opportunity to do things with his daughter. I’d be stupid to tell her no this morning, no matter how tired I am,” he runs a hand through his beard. “I wasn’t one of the responding trucks, we were stuck on a house fire for most of the night, but everybody heard about it, and we were all upset. The other crew was pretty quiet when they came back from the scene.”

  Those words cast a somber shadow over us. I can appreciate what he’s saying, and it doesn’t matter to me if he’s doing it because he’s been faced with mortality. Regardless, he’s still spending time with his daughter, and to me, that’s what matters more than anything.

  “You’re a good dad,” I give him praise, which I’m sure he hears all the time.

  He laughs, flashing straight white teeth in a smile I haven’t really seen before. Maybe I haven’t seen it before because I haven’t been looking. Typically when they come in, I can barely meet his eyes when he orders. Today I’m giving him all my attention, and it seems like he’s giving me all of his. “I’m on my best behavior when I come in here. I kind of think you like that I’m a good dad. At least I hope you do.”

  Is he flirting with me? He’s never teased me before, at least not that I can recall. I’m not sure how to respond, not even sure if I should. Oh, what the hell. Tilting my head to the side, I give him what I hope can be considered an interested grin. Saying something I wish I would have said way back when we were in high school before he had the baggage of a divorce behind him, and I had the baggage of never being good enough behind me. “You don’t have to ya know? Be on your best behavior. At least not with me, I’m sure you could sometimes use an adult to have a good time with.”

  That came out a lot more forward than I meant for it to, but what’s done is done, and I can’t take it back now. Frankly, I don’t want to. Now all I can do is gauge his reaction and hope I haven’t made a total fool out of myself. His eyes widen, and I’m sure I just shocked the shit out of him, but there’s no taking it back now. I want him to say something, but then I don’t want him to say anything either, and just as I’m about to get embarrassed, Bridget yells from the grill.

  “Foods ready, Emma.”

  “Be right back,” I make a hasty retreat and hope like hell I haven’t shocked him so much that I ruin the best chance I’ve had so far.

  * * *

  Ash

  I watch her with more interest than I should as she walks over to where Bridget has sat our plates on a counter. Today has been one of those odd days when nothing is as it always seems, and that includes Emma. Usually, she’s so quiet I can’t even get her to joke with me. Today? If I’m not mistaken, she was flirting. As much as I’d like to ignore the way my body responds, I have to shift in the booth. The morning wood is making itself known again. Especially as I let my eyes make a trail down her back, over her ass encased in the tight denim she’s wearing. It’s not like I’ve never noticed her before. Fuck I’ve tried to flirt with her a couple times before, but she’s never seemed open to the idea, and honestly, I’ve been busy raising Syd. It’s not easy being a single-dad, especially when the mom is only in the picture when she wants to be.

  Pulling my hat down further over my eyes, I observe, watching as she and Bridget say something to each other. Whatever it is, it causes Emma’s cheeks to darken to an alluring pink color. Makes me wonder if her whole body flushes that color when she’s embarrassed, or maybe aroused.

  “Stop it,” I scold myself.

  Why does my libido have to pick this very moment to come roaring back and make itself known? Five years living like a monk is skidding to a stop right here and right now in Bridget’s. The most inappropriate place for it to happen.

  “Did you do okay?” I ask Syd as I see her coming back in my peripheral vision.

  She nods, having a seat across from me. “Except for drying my hands,” she holds them out, and I can see they’re dripping. “I’m too short to reach the paper towels.”

  Reaching over quickly, I grab some from the dispenser at our table, passing them to her so she can dry off.

  “Hope you two are hungry,” Emma interrupts us bringing my classic breakfast and Syd’s pancakes.

  “Freakin’ starving,” I feel my stomach tighten as I look down at my three eggs, two pieces of bacon, toast, and order of hash browns. On top of not getting any sleep last night, I also never got any dinner. I could eat two plates of this and probably put more away.

  “You need syrup, right?” She asks Syd.

  “Can I have both the regular and the strawberry?” She asks carefully, glancing over at me for permission.

  “It’s fine, you’ll need your energy to go sledding,” I issue her a challenge.

  Truth is, I have no idea how she has such a sweet tooth. If I ate all that sugar I’d be passed out somewhere, puking. Emma brings them over, and I don’t miss the extra sway to her hips.

  She leaves us alone while we eat, and I’m kind of sad. I enjoyed talking to her, seeing a little bit of her personality come out. In all the time we’ve been coming here, I’ve never seen that side of her. As I watch her out of the corner of my eye, I see her watching me, but I know she won’t make a move.

  Quicker than I’d like for us to be, we’re done. There’s only so long you can draw out anything with a six-year-old. Her attention span diminishes or expands in the blink of an eye.

  “Here’s your check,” she drops it by with another smile. “I hope you two have an awesome time enjoying the snow.”

  “We will,” Syd stands up, positively vibrating with excited energy as she starts putting her jacket, gloves, toboggan, and scarf on.

  I’m slower to stand up, trying to engage Emma in some eye contact, but a couple other stragglers have made their way into
Bridget’s. It’s a decision I don’t take lightly, and to be honest I’m not even sure where it comes from. Maybe loneliness, possibly I’m ready to move on in a way I haven’t been before. Whatever the reason, I decide today is the day. As I lay a few dollars down on the table for our tip, I take the pen she left for me to sign my name to the slip with, and write down my cell phone number.

  I leave a pathetic give me a call or text me some time with it, wondering just how desperate I have to look to her. Before I can talk myself out of ripping that part of the bill off, I herd Sydney out the door and decide to let the cards fall where they may. It could have been a good decision, may have been bad, but I won’t know unless I try.

  As my LT likes to say. The only missed opportunities are the ones we never take and damned if I didn’t just take one today.

  Three

  Ash

  “C’mon Dad!”

  I sigh, trying not to let Syd hear it because I’m so tired. So fucking tired. She’s at the end of the hill in my parent’s back yard, and she wants me to go down and then bring us both back up again. Have I mentioned how tired I am? But the smile. That smile on her face is everything to me. I’m used to walking up and down flights of stairs with a ton of equipment on my back, but this day in the snow has worn me the fuck out.

  “How about I do it?”

  Hearing the voice of my own dad behind me makes me smile. I’d venture to say it’s as big as hers. “You don’t care?” I’m always careful not to expect my parents to take care of my daughter. The sad truth is, Courtney isn’t in the picture nearly as much as I want her to be, and more often than not, I need help. Thank God for my parent’s; without them, I wouldn’t have the job I have now, but there are two things in this world I love. My daughter and being a firefighter. I’m just a lucky bastard who gets to have the best kid ever and do the job he was born to do.

  “Don’t mind at all,” he pats me on the shoulder. “I can still remember you and your sisters begging me to do this with you all, every time it would snow enough. I miss it,” he shrugs, his eyes going sad for a moment. “Keeps me young, you know we love having her around.”

  “Pops, don’t even act like you’re old,” I don’t like to hear him talk about himself in that way. Realistically I know that my parents are getting older, I know that one day they won’t be here. Today, however, isn’t that day, and I’m choosing not to engage in the discussion with him.

  “Sixty is older than I would like, Ash. Things are starting to hurt more often than not. Some mornings I’m like Rice Krispies getting out of bed.”

  I laugh because that’s me now. I don’t have to wait four more decades. “Don’t I know it?”

  He hesitates, shaking his head slightly before he speaks in a hushed tone.

  “You know I love that your third-generation firefighter, but if there’s something else you wanted to do, Ash…”

  I give him a look. “What else would I do? This is all I’ve ever known.”

  “You're smart. You and I both know the dangers of this career.”

  “We also know the joys of it. I’m not ready to give it up yet, Dad. I’m just tired right now. I have a lot on my plate, but I’m making it work,” I assure him. “Maybe not everything gets done right as it’s supposed to, but I’m doing the best I can.”

  He nods, squeezing my shoulder. “You are, but I don’t want you making it work to ever be at the expense of yourself, Ash. Just remember that.”

  “I know,” I give him a squeeze back. “It was a busy night, and I didn’t get a chance to sleep during the shift. We both know sometimes it happens. Doesn’t mean I’m ready to give up. Just means I’m fucking tired today.”

  Pops gives me a grin. “It’s my job to make sure you’re okay.”

  “I am,” I assure him, giving him a hug. “Gonna go lay down for a bit if that’s good with you.”

  “You deserve it. Syd’s in great hands. Depending on how long you sleep, we can even take care of dinner if we need to.”

  As I trudge back up through the snow, to the house, I hear him yelling at her, telling her he’s going to be the one taking her up and down the hill for a while. Hearing the two of them makes me smile, makes me wish for a simpler time when all that mattered were snow days and sledding.

  Taking off all that gear is a blessing. Sometimes it makes me feel claustrophobic, and I relish being naked. Too bad I can’t do that here. Laying in my childhood bedroom, I can hear Sydney shrieking outside as my dad keeps taking her and up and the hill. What I love about this place are the memories it holds. Clearly, I can remember my Dad doing the same for us, or my Mom if he was at work.

  Worry about the lack of female influence in Syd’s life eats at me like it always does when I have a few moments to myself. What happens when she decides she needs a bra? When she likes boys? God forbid when she starts her period? How do I navigate those sensitive topics? I used to fool myself into thinking my ex-wife would be there for all the important shit, but seeing as how it’s been six months since she’s seen Syd, I don’t hope for that relationship for them two any longer. I’ll encourage it if she comes around because that’s what I’m supposed to do, but I’ll no longer push for it. My daughter deserves someone who wants to be there for her. Not someone who feels as if they have to.

  What she needs is a good role model. What I need is someone to ease this ache in the pit of my stomach I have at night when I curl around the empty spot in my bed. Someone to take care of the needs I’ve pushed aside for way too long. It’s not even about the sex. It’s about the affection, the camaraderie, the knowing you have a friend in the room wherever you go because you're part of a couple. I fucking miss that shit.

  Turning over, I lay on my back with my arm against my forehead, hoping to block out most of the sun, hoping for sleep to take me. Wishing like hell I had all the answers, and believing that someday I’ll know why I’ve been put in the position I’m in. Until then, all I can do is move forward and pray I’m doing the best I can for Syd, and for me when I remember I’m part of the equation too.

  As I drift off, I do it with a smile on my face, knowing Syd is well taken care of, thanks to the people who raised me.

  “We’ll go get a new microwave tomorrow,” I tell her later on as we sit at the dining room table in our house. I only slept for a few hours and brushed off dinner when my parents asked us to stay. They’ve already done enough for us the past two days.

  On the way home, we stopped and got pizza. Eating out two meals for the day isn’t exactly the healthiest, but sometimes I gotta do, what I gotta do. Trying not to make it a habit is the only thing I can promise.

  “Sounds good,” she takes a bite, pulling the piece far out so that the cheese extends, then she eats up to the dough. She takes a long drink out of her Sprite can, then fiddles with it, her eyes going up to me, and then back to the can. “Hey Dad, can I ask you a question?”

  There’s something about the way she forms the words. The way she took that fortifying drink, and then her eyes went back and forth. It clues me in that whatever this is might not be an easy answer. I quickly chew my food and swallow. “You know you can ask me anything, kiddo. I mean that, anything you ever need to ask me you can.”

  Putting her pizza down, she plays with the pepperonis, while I see her legs kicking back and forth under the chair she’s sitting in. She drops the pepperonis, then wipes her hands on the napkin, before going back to the piece of pizza on her plate. “I’ve been wondering,” she starts, then stops, looking at me again.

  “Syd, you can ask me anything, you can tell me anything. I promise. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.” This is killing me, she’s never had a hard time talking to me before about anything, so I know this is girl shit. Am I ready? Am I going to blow this? I’m sweating. It is hot in here or is it just me? I fight fires for a living for fuck’s sake.

  Whatever I say must be the right thing because she tumbles headlong into a flurry of words.

  “There’s this g
irl in my class who has really long hair on her legs, and it’s dark, like mine. Her mom told her it was okay for her to shave, and her mom taught her. Now her legs are smooth, and I want that too. So what I’m asking is, when can I shave, and who will teach me since mom’s never around?”

  I’m sure I’m looking at her like she’s just word-vomited a confession to killing someone. This shit ranks right up there with the horror it will be when she gets her period. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, let alone how the fuck I’m supposed to react. This is what her Mom should be here for, but even I realize I’m probably better equipped to handle Syd. “First of all, you’re too young to be shaving anything. Second of all, when it’s time, you’ll learn, I promise.”

  It’s the best I can come up with on such short notice, and I pray to God and all the saints that it’s enough, because I have no fucking clue what the hell I’m going to do when it’s time for her to learn. I may look like I have it all together, but I’m learning very quickly that I only seem that way.

  “But my legs are hairy,” she pouts, taking a drink of her water.

  “Mine are too,” I kick my leg out, lifting up my sweatpants, showing her the hair on my leg. Even though the hair on my face and head are blonde, I have dark hair on my legs, I’m hoping it makes her feel better.

  She rolls her eyes and looks way too much like a pre-teen doing it. “I’m not supposed to have hairy legs, you are, so it’s okay for you.”

  Guess it didn’t make her feel better. Seriously though? We start with legs, and then we move to what? I can’t even fathom her asking me what she’s supposed to do when she wears a bikini as a teenager. God damn, I need a beer. I’ve got to put a stop to this shit.

  “Syd, you can have anything you want. You can be anyone you want to be. You don’t have to shave your legs just because someone told you, you should.”