Cutter Read online

  She does, lunging at me. I brace against the bark of the downed tree, gripping it tightly with the boots I’m wearing. My hand clasps hers tightly, heaving her up until I can get my arm around her waist. I grunt as I forcefully pull her up beside me.

  “You good?”

  She’s sucking in great gulps of air, bent over at the waist; hands on her knees, but she nods. “I’m okay, just give me a minute.”

  “Take all the time you need. You did that like a boss. That was awesome!”

  Her head lifts and she grins at me. “I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t done it first.”

  We’re quiet again, both of us seemingly trying to prepare ourselves for what we’re about to see. Trying to process what we’ve already seen.

  “Okay, I’m ready.”

  Carefully I get us to the other side of the tree, before using a walkie talkie radio to let the others know there’s another big tree in the way.

  “Got it, Cutter.” I hear Tucker’s voice. “There are other workers coming up after y’all.”

  It’s good to know we have backup, but first we have to get to the scene to know what we’re going to have to do.

  The closer we get, the louder it is. I wonder if this is what my dad dealt with when he was in the military. The screaming, the mass hysteria. I can feel it in my blood before I get there.

  The fear, the unrest is almost a physical hum vibrating through my body.

  Up ahead there’s a clearing, and as Rowan and I walk through it, we’re met with complete devastation.

  “Shit,” she whispers. “This was an apartment building.”

  It’s leveled. Completely flattened to the ground.

  The only thing recognizable is the wiring and metal that had once kept the building standing. It’s in a heap like the Legos my nephew plays with. When he’s done, he crashes what he’s built, letting them lay in a pile of destruction in his aftermath.

  Pushing thoughts of home out of my head, I try to assess the scene, try to figure out where we need to go first. Rowan is glancing around.

  “Tonya!” she yells. “Where do you need us?”

  The woman turns to the sound of Rowan’s voice, her face screwing up in a sob. “Oh thank God you’re here. We tried to get everybody to the basement, but then it started to flood.” The woman is on this side of having a meltdown.

  “You did all you could,” Rowan soothes her. “Where do you need us? Who is hurt the worst that we can save?”

  She whispers those words.

  Tonya eyes her. “I don’t want to make that decision.”

  Pulling a marker out of her bag, Rowan thrusts it to her. “You were an EMT for a lot of years. You have to make the decision. We can’t save everybody, and you know it. Mark the ones we can, and start a triage.”

  “Ro, I can’t,” she whispers.

  We’re losing valuable and precious time.

  “Look, none of us want to make decisions, but right now, it’s a must. If we want to save even one person. We are obligated to do this. If you’re an ex-EMT you’re valuable and you can help your community. If you’re not willing to do it, then get out of our way.”

  Her eyes cut up at me, but I let it roll off my back.

  “If you aren’t helping, you’re a part of the problem.”

  Those words seem to push her into action.

  “You’ve got this.” Rowan squeezes her hand. “You’ve got this.”

  “I can’t play God,” she argues.”

  “You’re not. You’re making an informed decision. If he and I try to do this, we’ll end up losing more than we can save, because we’ll want to save everyone. You’ve got to help us, otherwise this will never work.”

  The moment she decides, I can see it. Her chin tightens, her eyes become blank. It’s the stare of someone who’s separated themselves from reality so they can do what they must.

  Whistling loudly, I get everyone’s attention. “If you’re injured, I want you to form a line behind Tonya.” I point to the woman I haven’t even had an introduction to yet. “She will be assessing you and sending you to either the left or the right. We’re gonna do what we can to help, but you’ve gotta help us by remaining calm and patient. There are other first responders coming, but the way is blocked. It’s going to take time. If you’re not injured, please help where you’re needed. If you have medical training, Rowan and I could use you. Let’s get started.”

  I’ve seen a lot in my time, but one thing never fails to bring chills, and that’s when people come together to help one another. Almost immediately what was chaos is getting organized. A few move forward telling me and Rowan they have some medical training, others form a straight line behind Tonya.

  As she starts assessing, I bow my head down, whispering a prayer when I see her send the first one in line away from us.

  There are so many who won’t make it through the night, who didn’t even make it through the storm. I vow right here and now to save who I can, and to provide comfort to those I can’t. I won’t get to everybody, but I’ll do my best with the ones I come into contact with.

  That’s what I would want to happen to my family, and in times like these, we’re all family.

  Chapter Four

  Rowan

  From beneath my lashes, I watch him. This man from northern Alabama. He’s different than I thought he would be. For some reason I assumed he would be the type of person to push me aside and insist he be the one to do everything. Instead he’s given me my space to let me work. He’s not crowded me, not asked me more than once if I need help, and he’s been nothing but gentle to the people he’s helped.

  Cutter.

  What an odd name, although I guess I can’t say much, considering my own. Right now he’s taking care of a small child, making the little girl laugh, even though she’s going to need stitches in her foot. The wound is large enough I can see it from where I stand. It would have even an older person crying, but the tears she’d shed when he first picked her up and put her on a table we’ve procured, have stopped. They’ve turned into laughter because of him.

  She looks like she’s around four-years-old.

  An iron fist squeezes my heart. The same way it always does when I see someone who reminds me of what I had for a brief time, and then lost.

  “Am I good to go, Ro?”

  My attention is brought back to the woman I’m working on. I’ve seen her around town, working at one of the shops on the strip. They’re all gone now, or at least heavily damaged. Will she even have a job to go back to? My eyes close for a moment, trying to envision what her name tag said the last time I was there. Bridget. Her name is Bridget.

  “You’re good. Be sure to keep that clean and covered. If it starts to get red edges, any drainage, or you start running a fever, get to a doctor. It won’t be hard to catch an infection in these conditions. Be safe, Bridget.”

  She grins, almost as if me knowing her name made her day. And maybe it has. I know better than most it’s the little things that matter when the big things are fucked. And this? This is the most fucked this town has ever been.

  “You too.”

  A glance at my watch shows we’ve been here for hours, waiting for others to relieve us. Even though I literally know how far they were behind us, I’m getting antsy. I need a way out of here that doesn’t require me walking back the way we came.

  We can hear our teammates now as they get closer. The roar of chainsaws and splitting wood provides an ear-splitting soundtrack to the mayhem we’re trying to harness. I’m running out of supplies and we somehow need to get more. My back aches, sweat is trickling down my chest into the band of my bra. I want to reach down and wipe at it, but this is my last pair of gloves and they’re covered in someone’s blood.

  “Open that.” I point at a bottle of alcohol, as I instruct the next person in line. “Pour some over these gloves. It’s the best we can do right now.”

  Even I know it’s not good enough, but it’ll have to do.

/>   Glancing over at Cutter, our eyes meet. His mouth is set in as grim a line as mine. Trouble is going to come to us when we have to turn all these people away and there’s no one here to help us.

  He stands, stretching. The way his back pops makes me envy him. I can’t do that without a chiropractor. My eyes roam his frame, looking at the tattoos, noticing the way the shirt clings to his muscular, yet lean body.

  “Didn’t you play at U of A?”

  A man in the crowd walks up to Cutter, asking the question before he takes a seat. The body that had just relaxed into the back crack of the century is now stiff. It’s obvious to everyone he doesn’t want to talk about this. But the man must not take non-verbal cues well.

  “A few games,” he answers softly.

  “Yeah, I remember. You lost your ride, right?”

  “Not my proudest moment.” Cutter shakes his head.

  “I always wondered why, no one ever said and you were so talented. Never seen a kid run like you.”

  I feel bad for him. No one wants to hear all the things they could have done right, that they did so wrong. I know better than anyone.

  “Made a mistake.” He shrugs. “Lost my ride and had to come to terms with it. Decided to come home and be an EMT instead. Love what I do now.”

  He shoots me a look that says get me outta here but of course, I can’t, so I just shoot him back a smile.

  * * *

  Cutter

  This dude is busting my balls. Everybody thinks they know what the fuck I did to get kicked off the team, it’s just not polite to talk about it in mixed company. At least I don’t like to talk about it in any company.

  Glancing over my shoulder I will the guys to work faster. The quicker I can get out of here and away from the watchful eyes of everyone, the better off I’ll be.

  “You’re doing a great job.” An older woman pats my shoulder.

  “Thank you, ma’am.”

  She pinches my ass. Pinches. My. Ass.

  I jump slightly, making a noise of surprise in my throat. Rowan, looks over at me, giggling.

  Her laugh catches me off-guard. For as buttoned up as she looks, her laugh is loud and lyrical. I’d like to see what she looks like as she completely lets go of the obvious strong grip she has on herself.

  Cutter, now’s not the time.

  That little voice in my head can shut the fuck up. When is the right time? Just as I’m about to ask for some water, judging by my line of thought, I need to hydrate, we hear the rest of the team finally getting through the tree over the road.

  A loud cheer goes up when they’re seen.

  I may cheer myself. Back-up is finally here.

  It’s a lot of directing injured this way and that, filling our teammates in on what we’ve done while we’ve been separated, and unfortunately we have to call for the chaplain. Two people have died waiting for help to get here.

  That’s the hardest part, knowing we can’t save everybody.

  “C’mon, I think you and I have earned a rest.”

  She gets up, walking beside me. Again, I realize how much smaller she is than me, but as she stumbles, I rush to hold her up next to me.

  “Sorry.” She pushes her glasses, knocked askew, back up onto the bridge of her nose. “It’s been a while since I ate.”

  I try to think back to the last time I did, but I can’t seem to remember. This day feels like multiple ones all strung together.

  “We’ll find you something.”

  “No,” she argues. “These people need it worse than I do.”

  Carefully, I turn her to face me, bending down at the knees so I can look her in the eyes. “Look, both of us are going to have to be on top of our game here, so we can help people. I’m hungry too, and I can’t remember the last time I ate. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t take care of anyone else.”

  She seems to listen to me, nodding slightly at what I’m saying.

  “Cutter! You doing alright?” Tucker yells out.

  I take the chance to wave him over. “We’re okay, but both of us are pretty hungry. Any chance you can help with that?”

  He nods to the truck we rode in. “There’s a cooler in there with some snacks and some bottles of water. You two held it down for the rest of us to get here. Go take a break.”

  The silence in the truck is deafening. The quietness of it pops like gunshots in my ears. Rowan takes her glasses off, rubbing her eyes. She sighs heavily as she reaches around her neck, rubbing at the skin.

  I can’t take it any longer. I need to say something.

  “Are you okay? Some of the stuff we saw back there was rough.” For some reason I’m not as much worried about me as I am about her. She seems fragile, and I don’t want the things we’ve seen tonight to cause her any bad feelings.

  She looks up, almost as if she’s forgotten I’m sitting here with her. She’s startled, her hazel eyes huge as they close. “I’ve seen some stuff in my life. Things that have given me nightmares.” She shakes her head. “I can honestly say I think this will be something I’ll never forget.”

  I focus on chewing the peanut butter cracker I’m eating, trying to make sure I take the time to enjoy it. Back when I was cutting weight on the football field, this was something I would do to make sure I was able to savor my food.

  When you’re a college student on a scholarship and you require a lot of calories to cut weight and gain muscle, you learn every single trick there is.

  “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever forget that lady’s face when she had to tell the first person to go into the other line. Making the decision between life and death, playing God? We shouldn’t have to be put in those positions. That’ll stick with me for a while.”

  She takes a sip of her water, licking her lips to get the excess off. “It’ll stick with her for a while too.”

  Chapter Five

  Rowan

  My alarm goes off way earlier than I’m prepared for it to. For the duration of whatever this state of emergency is, we’ll be working twelve-hours on and twelve-hours off, even with the help we’re receiving from the LSERT.

  As I turn over, my body protests. It isn’t used to the level of physicality I pushed it to participate in last night.

  Be honest, Ro, I chide myself. It’s been a few years since you would have been sore for any other reason anyway. A person hasn’t touched me other than to give me a hug since it happened and when I gave into my now-ex-husband one more time.

  But that’s neither here nor there right now.

  Reaching out, I gasp; even my arm is sore. Probably from where Cutter lifted me up onto the tree. He’s strong, and so damn sure of himself. I envy it and wish I was as sure of myself as he had been.

  Cutter. That name again. That man. I close my eyes, seeing his face clearly.

  I’ve never met someone like him. Never known someone to be as tattooed as he is, but also as soft-spoken either.

  My phone makes a noise, letting me know I have a text. I’m not in the mood right now, but it could be something important.

  “Ugh, Sullivan,” I groan out as I see my brother’s name on my phone.

  S: How are you doing? I haven’t heard from you since last night. Been worried.

  R: Have you checked on Mom and Dad? I was a little busy.

  S: Don’t be a smartass, little sis. I was worried. And yes, I’ve checked on Mom and Dad, they’re fine.

  R: Then you should know just how tired I am right now.

  I really don’t wanna mess with him, and I’m slightly annoyed he’s the first person I’m talking to this morning. I love him, don’t get me wrong, but he’s my brother and he can push every button I have.

  If I had been a boy, I’d be working alongside my two brothers on the police force, but instead I’m an EMT. Dad subscribes to the old thought that policing is a man’s job, and he never wanted me to be in harm’s way. Funnily enough he didn’t think about how he would protect me personally. Not to say I don’t love my job, becau
se I do. I honestly think I was born to do this, but there was definitely a favorite in my family, and it wasn’t me.

  S: I’m just making sure you’re safe.

  R: Well I am, you can run back and tell Mom and Dad I’m fine.

  S: That’s not why I’m messaging you, and you know it, you’re just being ornery.

  R: I love you, Sully. I’m just tired.

  S: Love you too, Ro. See you tonight? I’m working.

  R: I’m working overnight tonight, see you then.

  Him mentioning work makes me wonder who’s going to be working with us, which is surprising. I haven’t been interested in anyone since I got divorced. Which is a story for another time. Immediately I wonder if Cutter’s working.

  “Rowan,” I sigh as I speak to myself out loud. “Don’t even think about it.”

  But I am, I’m thinking about possibly putting on a little makeup. We won’t be responding to emergencies with the magnitude of what we did last night, but we’ll still be responding if they need us.

  Throwing my covers off, I push my legs over the side and put my feet on the floor. I’m one of the lucky ones who got to keep the roof over their head and also not lose electricity. For that I’m thankful, because I know how hot it is outside, and I’m cool here, inside.

  When I get to the bathroom, I turn to the mirror, taking a look at myself. My waist is smaller than it ever has been, making my chest more obvious than it has been. I’ve been working out in my free time, and it’s certainly paying off.

  Which is a laugh. All my damn time is free.

  Leaning forward, I suck in my cheeks, turning this way and that. Trying to see what someone else sees, but even I can’t imagine. The person I’m looking at, I don’t recognize and I’m not sure I ever did. She never looked at herself like this, and now I wonder why.

  “Do you find me attractive as a man?” I abruptly ask Isaac later on that night. We’re riding around, waiting to be called to a scene. There are still a lot of streets closed and certain parts of the town we won’t even be able to get to, but we’re still on standby ready to step in when called.