Restraint (Heaven Hill Generations Book 5) Read online

  “How did you deal with it?”

  Her eyes get this far-off glimmer, a nostalgic grin pops to her lips. “The only thing I could do. Wrapped my arms around his waist and held on tight, Justice. I held on so fucking tight, not even the threat of leaving could pull me off. So if you want Caelin Blackfoot? Hold on and don’t let go. Every man we know? They need a woman to save them from themselves. Be that woman, and hold on for dear life.”

  I’m lighter as I drive toward mine and Harley’s apartment. More aware of myself and the kind of hold the men in our lives can have on us. It doesn’t mean I’m not still out of my comfort zone, but I at least appear to have a better handle on it.

  When I pull into our parking lot, I see Harley’s bike parked, and don’t notice Bishop’s. I’m thankful for them respecting my request. Within minutes I have all my stuff collected and have made it to our third floor apartment. She opens the door with a smile.

  “I know you didn’t say anything about this, but I brought sandwiches from that little place across the street from Walker’s Wheels. She had fried apple pies too, so you know I got us some dessert. Dad gave me some money when I told him we were skipping out on family dinner tonight.”

  I almost want to cry. This isn’t the normal type of thing Harley does. She’s a very much sit back and let others do type of person. Not that it makes her any worse or better than me, but the fact she took my request seriously and wants to make things easier for me is sweet.

  Throwing my arms around her, I hug tightly. “Let me go change. I can’t wait to have a gossip session with you, the way we did when we were younger.”

  I change my clothes in record time, laughing when I go back out and Harley’s already sitting there with a jack and coke. Her sandwich has a bite taken out of it, and her face gives away the fact that she has no fucks to give.

  “So tell me,” she says before she takes a drink, her eyes wagging up and down. “What happened with Caelin that’s got you ready to give up your virginity?”

  “Literally everything.”

  “That’s what I like to hear,” she giggles.

  “No seriously.” I take a bite of my sandwich, trying to figure out how to put the way he makes me feel into words. It’s harder than I imagined it would be. The emotions are all-encompassing to make the butterflies appear in my stomach, but also scary enough to render me mute. “It’s…”

  “More than you know what to do with?” she finishes for me.

  “Yes, more than I know what to do with. To add to it, I’m not sure I’m the shrinking violet everybody makes me out to be.”

  “How so?”

  “I could imagine myself doing so many things with him. But he was being careful, and while I appreciated it, at the same time I wanted to tell him to stop treating me like I’m going to break.”

  She smirks. “That’s all guys. You’ve got to take what you want, Justice. Don’t let him ease you into it, if that’s not how you want to do it. Grab him by his shirt, push him down, and show him who you are.”

  “What if I don’t know who I am?”

  Harley stops what she’s doing, glancing over at me. “You know who you are. Your problem? You hide it from everyone - including yourself.”

  “Do you really think so?”

  “No.” She shakes her head. “It’s not about what I think. It never has been. What do you think, Justice? Who are you? What do you want out of life? Here, in this moment.” She holds her hands out to the side. “You don’t have to worry what anyone will think of you. I will never judge you for what you want.”

  “It’s a lot to think about.” The anxiousness starts in my chest, squeezing on my throat.

  “Don’t think about it. You know,” she presses. “You know. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Caelin Blackfoot?”

  “Lots of things.”

  “Name them off,” she encourages. “What is he to you?”

  “Danger. Passion. Safety. Home.”

  Her hand on my shoulder stops me. “He’s your home, Jus?”

  I roll my lip between my teeth. “Yeah.” The words sound right, they feel right. “I think he is.”

  “Then that’s all you need. Fuck the rest. It’ll come in time.”

  As I finish my dinner, I think about what she’s said. It’ll all come in time.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Caelin

  “Come a little closer,” I whisper as I crouch down toward the ground. She whines slightly, tippy tapping on the balls of her paws, seeming not to know what she should be doing. In my hand, I hold a piece of bologna. In my heart, I hold the hope that the mother and her babies will trust me enough to come out from behind the dumpster.

  She’s standing there, peeking out at me. A few times I’ve seen her tail wagging. Once she slightly came out, but a loud car on the main road scared her, and she went slinking back to where she she’s been hiding. There’s a reminder of Justice in her hesitancy to accept what’s being given. I recognize it almost as if it’s her in front of me, and not this dog. It gives me more patience, and a deeper understanding of what the waiting will bring me.

  My legs are screaming as I hold the position, but I refuse to move. She’s inching her way closer. I can cross the gap, reach out and touch her, but I don’t want to scare her. Not after what it appears she’s been through. Lightly tossing the piece of bologna to her, I watch as she eats it, then stick my fingers out, closing the space between us.

  “That’s it, girl,” I speak slowly and softly, stretching and then curling my fingers back and forth until she gets curious enough to show her body fully.

  Now she’s out here, I have a seat on the ground, directing her in between my spread legs, hoping to give her safety. She licks slowly at my fingers, seeming to still be hungry. I have a whole package in the truck. “Yeah, that’s it.” I rub behind her ears, grimacing when I feel the dirt blanketed in her fur. “You gonna let me take you home and give you a bath? We’ll fill your bellies up, give you a really nice place to sleep. You don’t have to be out here behind this dumpster anymore,” I continue whispering. “Do you trust me?”

  Her dark eyes meet mine, and for a moment I’m transported back to Justice, not just the dog standing in front of me. I wish I had the time to care for both of them the way they deserve to be cared for. She whines softly, moving away from me, going back to the corner of the dumpster. This time, though, she stops, looking at me over her shoulder. “You gonna show them to me?”

  As slow as I can, I stand up, doing my best not to frighten her, and ease on behind where she stands. There, nestled amongst some plastic and paper bags are four puppies. They’re not old enough to have their eyes opened yet. “Grab ‘em and come on,” I tell her, patting my thigh and walking back to the truck.

  I make it seem as if it’s not a big deal, the fact she showed them to me. Instead of looking to make sure she’s following, I go to the passenger side, and open the door, spreading the blanket and towel I brought down for them. When I gaze back, she’s looking between me and the puppies.

  It’s obvious she’s in distress, trying to figure out what’s best for them. Everything in me screams to go grab them, take the little family some place safe where they can’t be hurt, but I don’t. I go open the back of the truck and have a seat on the tailgate, scrolling through my phone as I wait for her to make a decision.

  C: Are you having fun with Harley?

  J: Yeah, we’ve had some great conversation, and we drank a little too much. She’s snoring on the couch, while I’m watching a movie by myself.

  Her watching a movie by herself tugs at my heartstrings. Instead of letting her go, I continue to let my fingers do the talking as I compose my next message.

  C: I’ve been trying to coax this dog out from behind the dumpster at CRISIS for hours. She has four puppies and I can’t stand for them to be back there in all that filth. Basically I’ve moved in, this is where I live now and you can send all my mail here.

  J
: LMAO! Poor thing.

  I take a picture of the mama and send it to Justice.

  J: OMG she’s so pretty!

  C: I know, she’s dirty though, she needs a good bath. She’s getting closer to the truck.

  J: Are you taking her to the clubhouse or your apartment?

  C: My apartment’s closer. Not to mention I’m hot, sore, and hungry. I’ve been hunkering down to her level for longer than I care to admit so she’d get my scent. Pretty obvious I’m gonna need to start working out more.

  J: What you need to do is come to one of my self-defense classes.

  C: I know, I know.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see movement. It’s the mama dog carrying one of her babies by the scruff of the neck. Being as still as I can, I watch as she hops into the truck, and then comes back out, no longer carrying the baby. Three more trips she takes back and forth before she has them all out.

  C: Look at this.

  I send Justice a picture of them all snuggled in the front seat of the truck.

  J: Caelin, they’re so cute. Do you need help with them?

  C: You’ve been drinking, there’s absolutely no way you’re coming over to my apartment unless I come get you. But I have a feeling they’re going to need my attention.

  J: I can Uber, it’s not that big of a deal. I’ve done it a lot.

  There’s a tightening in my gut. I hate when I can’t physically make sure she’s okay on my own.

  C: I hate for you to get out…

  J: Did I not just tell you that you need to take my self-defense class? I’m fine. Let me get my Uber on the way and I’ll meet you at your apartment.

  Usually I might tell her no since I’m worried for her safety, but I want to see her. More than anything I want her to have this experience with me. Whatever it may be.

  C: Okay, but let me know the second you leave and turn on your location on your phone. I want to know where you are at all times. And pack a bag, there’s no way you’re going home tonight. It’ll be too late.

  J: Yes, sir.

  That smartass response goes straight to my cock, but I don’t allow myself the time to explore it any further than adjusting my package as I go around the truck and hop in the drivers’ seat. To my surprise, the dog puts her head on my thigh, and sits there quietly the entire way home.

  Justice

  “Thank you.”

  The words aren’t even out of my mouth before I’m bailing out of the backseat of the Uber, and hurriedly climbing up the steps to Caelin’s apartment. The bag I packed hangs haphazardly from my arm. Before I can knock, the door flies open and he pulls me in.

  “You were supposed to let me know when you got here so I could go down and meet you.”

  “You have children to worry about.” I make a production with my hands.

  “Holy fuck, you really are drunk.”

  I do my best to appear as sober as possible. “Not as much as I was, but I still feel pretty good.”

  “How in the hell are you planning on going to work in the morning?”

  Hand on hip, I give him my best glare. “Harley and I are masters at doing things with hangovers. I would bet my life on the fact no one really knows when we have them.”

  I think back to the last couple of years, and she’s right. I have no idea. If I didn’t know better, and someone asked, I would have said she wasn’t a drinker at all. “What else have you been hiding from me?”

  She grins. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Caelin

  “Actually, I would since you’re asking.”

  The way she opens and closes her mouth says she wasn’t expecting me to ask, but that’s my favorite part about being with her. There are moments where she’s so vulnerable and then others where she’s stronger than I ever could have imagined she would be. Finally she composes herself.

  “You’ll just have to keep on peeling the layers back and find out for yourself.”

  “I can work with that.”

  It’s then she notices the mama and babies laying in the middle of my living room on the blanket and towel I brought them up on. “Ohmigosh! They’re so little, and she’s so pretty.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think she’s very old.” I have a seat on the floor next to them. “Probably just old enough to have been able to have a litter.”

  “I hope she wasn’t hurt.” Justice sits down next to me, folding her legs underneath her and holding her hand out for the mama to sniff. “You’re such a good mama,” she praises. “Taking care of your puppies.”

  To my surprise she gets up, coming to sit with her head on Justice’s knee, her dark eyes looking up to her with the same adoration I probably do too. “Do you know how long it took me to get her to trust me?” I whisper, slightly miffed.

  “Things who hurt know each other, Cael. You get it, right?”

  In that moment, I realize what she’s saying. No matter if you’re dog or human, you can recognize vulnerabilities in each other. Reaching out, I put my palm to Justice’s neck, massaging slightly, hoping to offer the support she needs. “I get it.”

  “We need to give her a bath. She stinks.” Her nose sniffs the air, making a face.

  “I know, I wasn’t gonna leave her though, so I put in a Door Dash order for PetSmart. It should be here soon.” I grab my phone, checking to see where my Dasher is. “Or it better be here soon, I gave this fucker a huge tip,” I gripe as I unlock it and realize he’s in the parking lot. “He just pulled in. I’ll be right back.”

  Justice is still stroking the dog’s head, smiling softly at her. “We’ll be fine, right here.”

  “Ahhh!” Justice laughs as we get the dog into the bathtub with more than a little coaxing. As soon as we get her wet, she shakes, sending water flying everywhere. Because she was so covered with dirt, my once pristine bathroom has slashes of brown and gray all over the walls now. “Oh nooo, Cael. I’ll clean it up as soon as we’re done here.”

  Grabbing her chin, I force her to look at me. “I don’t know where Cael came from with those loose lips of yours tonight, but I like it. And it’s fine, I have a housekeeper who comes in once a week. I’ll ask her to come tomorrow.”

  She’s pleased with herself if the grin spreading across her face is any indication. Leaning in, she kisses me soundly, before she goes back to soaping up our new houseguest. “She needs a name.”

  “I know, we can’t just keep calling her the dog, girl, or mama,” I laugh when her ears perk up. “But I kinda wanted to see what she looked like without all that dirt on her. I’m not even sure what her real color, or breed is.”

  “Good point.”

  After what feels like well over a month, we finally get her clean, letting out the last of the dirty bath water. “I think she’s a chocolate lab,” I tell Justice as we rub her down, and she gets up to get the hair dryer she’s brought. “What do you think about a name?” I ask when she comes back.

  She carefully unravels the cord, looking down as she does so. “May sound crazy, but what about Joanie?”

  My heart beats harder in my chest, and my throat tightens. “For Doc Jones?”

  “She’s been such a large part of our lives. I’d like for her to remain there. She’s young, Cael. We could have her for ten years or longer.”

  Grabbing her hand, I entwine our fingers together. “Sounds perfect, babe.” I lean over, kissing her soundly on the lips. “Absolutely perfect.”

  We take turns drying her off, before taking her back into the living room. “She probably needs to go out.” Justice yawns slightly, putting her hand over her mouth. “Then we should all try and get to sleep.”

  I glance at the clock over the stove, realizing it’s close to midnight. Opening the bag I sat on the counter from PetSmart, I grab out a collar and a leash. “C’mon Joanie, this is for your own good.”

  “We’re keeping her, right?” Justice asks softly. “I can’t stand to see her go to the shelter.”

  “Oh
she’s ours, babe, no doubt about it. I can’t keep all the puppies here, but I’m hoping they can become clubhouse dogs, or someone else may want one or two. Tomorrow I’m getting an appointment to see if she can be fixed, that way she doesn’t have more.”

  “They need to go to the vet too.” She points to the puppies.

  “Yeah, we’ll get it worked out. We can’t do everything all at once. Some of this will take steps, and I don’t want her to think we’re stealing her babies.”

  Surprisingly, Joanie sits still, allowing me to put the collar and leash on her, then together the three of us make our way down to the ground level of the apartment building. “There’s an area for dogs over there.” I point to a fenced portion.

  “Did you bring a bag to pick up her business?”

  “Yup.” I hold it up, proud of myself for remembering.

  When we get to the area, I let Joanie off the leash and encourage her to mark her territory. For a few minutes she sniffs around, looking back at us, almost as if to make sure we’re still there.

  “Are you going to take me to work in the morning, or do I need to Uber?” Justice asks, running her hands up and down her arms. Even though it’s still hot during the day, it can be slightly chilly at night.

  “The fuck? Obviously I’ll take you and pick you up tomorrow afternoon. We’re puppy parents now.”

  She giggles. “I like the sound of that.”

  Leaning down, I kiss her slowly, relishing the way she sways into my body. “I do too.” Joanie comes back over to us when she’s done, sitting down so that I can put the leash back on her collar. “Let’s get upstairs and go to bed.”

  Waking up with a woman next to me isn’t something I’ve done very often. Always because I’ve been cognizant of the fact I wouldn’t be keeping them around. I knew it, and I wanted them to know it too. With Justice, everything is completely different.