Restraint (Heaven Hill Generations Book 5) Read online

  “Yeah,” I laugh. “You know, we talked, got to know one another. The normal things you do on what equates to a first date.”

  “But you already know each other.”

  Harley can smell a lie a mile away from me and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep her from wearing me down. I purposely turn away from her, busying myself by making lunch for today.

  She watches, but her voice peaks with interest as she sees me grab the sourdough bread. “Are you making lunch?”

  “I am, want me to make you something too?”

  Her blonde hair lifts as she blows out a breath in annoyance. “Please, I’m broke until Friday. It really fucking sucks that Mom and Dad are making us pay for everything because we moved out.”

  “They’re teaching us to be adults,” I defend, like I always do. It’s nerdy, but I like doing a budget, checking to see how much I have to last me until payday. Sometimes I even play a game with myself where I have twenty-five bucks to eat on for the whole week.

  “If I could only be as good as you.” She wrinkles her nose up at me.

  It’s meant as a joke, but every time she makes a comment like that, I feel it slightly more extensively than I probably should. “I’m not good,” I mumble.

  “Yes you are,” she sighs. “Inherently. There’s always a good and evil between two sides of every coin. There’s no doubt in my mind you’re the good to my bad. Ohhhh…” she teases. “Whoever said Caelin has the market cornered on brooding hasn’t seen you get pissed.”

  “It’s just…” I cut up an apple with more force than necessary. It rolls off the bamboo board into the sink with a loud thud. “People have this preconceived idea of who I’m supposed to be. Nobody wants to get to know who I really am.” I put the apple in a bag for her.

  “What do you mean people don’t know who you really are?”

  Harley pushes herself up onto the counter, swinging her legs. Like she doesn’t have a care in the world. Which I guess she doesn’t. No one mistakes who she is. If I were to ask anyone who knows her, they would say Harley Walker’s completely sure of herself and not to be messed with. They would mention her soft heart that doesn’t always put on display, and they would all say she would be family over everything.

  All of which is true.

  “Well?” She looks at me expectantly. “What do you mean?”

  Frustration makes me want to run out, not answer her, keep to myself the way I always have, but this morning I’m annoyed. “Everybody assumes I’m the calm to your wild, the gentle to your passion. But what if I’ve been holding back and doing what everyone has always expected of me?”

  “Have you?”

  “Hell, I don’t know,” I sigh, closing up her lunchbox with a slam.

  “One night with Caelin’s got you all fucked up, Sis.”

  Isn’t that the truth? “It wasn’t even a full night,” I mumble. “But to be fair, I was thinking all of this before I had my date with him.”

  “Explain it to me, Justice. We’ve never had a hard time talking to one another. Why start now?”

  The idea has merit. She and I haven’t had this kind of conversation in a while. But now isn’t the time, and we both have to be at work. “Can we do it tonight? Will you give up the couch with Bishop?”

  “Jus, I’d give up anything for you. No matter what you think about my relationship with him, it’ll never trump my relationship with you.”

  My throat stings with unexpected emotion, eyes water as I look over at her. “I love you, Harley.”

  “I love you, too.” She hops off the counter, hugging me tightly. “I’ll make sure Bishop isn’t here. It’ll be about us.”

  “I need that,” I push out from the tightness in my throat and chest.

  “I can tell,” - she pushes my hair back from my face - “and you’ll have it. I know sometimes I don’t read you well. I’m not girly like you are, but I recognize you need time with me as much as you need time with Mom and Dad.”

  Melancholy washes over me. In an attempt to push it back, I clear my throat and hug her again. This time tighter, and with more feeling.

  “Falling in love with someone is scary,” she whispers in my ear. “You give them a piece of yourself that’s always been reserved for that one person. Meeting them is like a thunderstorm. It rolls in dark, and threatening. The violence takes you by surprise at first, scaring the shit out of you, for longer than you can imagine you hold out, trying to live through it. You plant your feet on the ground and sway with the wind, trying not to get caught up in the whirlwind of emotions. Then, just as you think you can’t handle it anymore, it passes and there’s sunny skies. The world is bright and new again. With a happiness you never knew you were capable of possessing. But it’s hard, Sis, it’s hard to get there. To give yourself over to someone else and let them hold you in the palm of their hand. I get it.”

  Tears sting the back of my throat. “You do,” I choke out. “And I need help to know I’m not crazy in all the things I’m thinking, the heaviness in my chest at the same time there’s an excitement in my stomach.”

  “You’re not.” She pulls back, holding my face in her hands. “Tonight it’s us.”

  “Thank you, Lee.” I use the nickname for her I haven’t in years. She responds with a wetness popping to her eyes.

  “After work, we’ll get you sorted.”

  “Okay,” I sigh heavily, steadying myself against the emotions flowing through my body. “Okay, I promise I’m not crazy.” I wipe below my eyes, the slight wetness silky over my fingertips.

  “Never thought it for a minute.” She grins.

  The sky appears brighter today as I drive into work. One night with Caelin Blackfoot and my entire world has been thrown into a tailspin. I wonder if I’ll recover - then I realize I have no choice - I have to.

  The traffic light flips to red at the intersection of 31-W and Louisville Road, giving me a moment to grab my cell phone from where it sits in my change holder. Notifications are still there from last night, but it’s one dated this morning that catches my eye.

  C: Morning beautiful. I just wanted to take a sec and thank you for last night. It’ll always be a special moment I remember. Have a great day!

  There are numerous emojis. Ones I never thought Caelin would use, but here we are. With a heart, a kissy face, and a hug. Regardless of how childish some might think it is, I smile, bringing my lip between my teeth, remembering how gentle he was. I’m just about to text him back when a car horn honks behind me, reminding me I’m in traffic, and probably should wait until I get to the office.

  Pulling around the square, I’m pleased to see our parking spots are empty and wonder how long this will last. My mom’s SUV is already in its space, so I allow myself a few minutes to try and think up what would be the best thing to text back to Caelin. I don’t want to be a level-five clinger, but I do want him to know I’m thinking about him.

  “Why is this so hard?” I put my thumb nail in my mouth and out of habit, bite down. “Son of a bitch.” I’ve been trying to grow them out lately, and now I’ve ruined all that hard work with one act of action. Consequences apparently be damned. “Fuck it…” I mumble.

  With the same emoji’s he sent me, I send him the first thing I can think of.

  J: No matter what happens, you’ll always be the first guy who ever gave me an orgasm.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Caelin

  “Get your head in the game, man.” Wild grabs hold of my arm, jerking me back from getting too close to a jack that falls a nanosecond after he pulls me to safety. “What the fuck is wrong with you today?”

  I’m a changed man. That’s what’s wrong with me.

  And the text message Justice sent my way? Reminding me of the orgasm I gave her? It’s got me thinking about all the things I shouldn’t be at work. Which is dangerous in a whole lot of ways.

  “Had a long night.” I run my hand through my hair.

  “Judging from the hickey on your n
eck, I’d say it was a good one.” A know-it-all smirk spreads across his face.

  “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Say those words with that much disrespect. It’s not like that.”

  He’s uncomfortable judging by the redness of his face, and the way his shoulders hunch. “I didn’t mean it in anyway disrespectful.”

  “This is different than anything I’ve ever had,” I try to convey why it bothers me. “I wanna protect her, ya know? It’s never cool to talk about things happening in your bedroom, but it’s seriously not when you care deeply about the person involved.”

  Wild crosses his arms over his chest. “Believe me, I get it. I was joking, but if that’s not good with you, I’ll respect your wishes.”

  “Not yet,” I sigh. “It’s still all too much, too new.”

  “I remember those days well.” His sigh matches mine.

  “And I was probably a douche to you,” I grimace, trying to gauge who I was as a teenager.

  Like with Justice there’s a before and after. With me there’s even an after, after. Losing Doc Jones was a catalyst to a really rough six months of my life. Her death coupled with Travis and Justice? I wasn’t sure I’d ever come out on the other side alive. The only consolation I had was she passed in her sleep.

  It was easy for me to believe she was taken away by one of the spirit warriors I’ve read about being in my heritage, and I truly think they would have taken her. The hand that held so many would be carefully transitioned from this life to the next. They would take her hand and guide, make sure no harm would come to her.

  When Wild and Addy got together I was a normal teenager, in the throes of hormones and wanting to piss off my parents. Which meant I wanted to piss off Addy too. There were many times she warned me about being too much of an asshole, but I kept on anyway.

  “Yeah.” He presses against my shoulder. “Too many times you walked in on the two of us. You had no shame back then.”

  I don’t deny it. The Caelin of that era had yet to be humbled. But it was coming. “I guess it’s too late to say sorry?”

  “Never too late.” He holds his hand out to me.

  I shake it, thankful I have people like this in my life. “Anyway, back to what you said.” I allow a little smile to ghost across my face. “It was a fun night.”

  “I’m glad. You deserve some fun, and so does Justice. “

  “Caelin!”

  At the sound of Drew’s voice, my head swivels to the left. “Sir?”

  “I need you to head to the clubhouse. There were a few notifications from the security system at CRISIS last night. Tyler wants you to check them out.”

  My back teeth grind together. “I checked them out last night, it was what looked like a loose dog. She tripped everything trying to get her puppies under the fence. I think she’s nursing them by the dumpster. I was gonna take some food over this morning, but I was running late.”

  “What’s with this club and animals?” He blows out a breath. “Thank you for looking at it.”

  “It’s my job. I noticed it later than I would like to have, but I did go back and watch all the footage. That’s the only thing I saw out of the ordinary and the timestamps matched.”

  He pulls a pack of Marlboro’s out of his jeans, handing me a cigarette. “Go on over there and give her some food. See if you can get the puppies, bring the whole family to the clubhouse if you can. I don’t like them being next to the dumpster.”

  Me neither. “Gladly. I’m gonna take the truck?”

  He hands me the keys to the garage truck. “Harley used it last, you’ll probably have to put gas in it. Ten bucks she’s still got the company card too.”

  Throwing my rag on the ground, I stride toward the office with my mind still on Justice.

  My phone flashes a reminder and when I see the message she sent me again, stopping me in my tracks.

  J: No matter what happens, you’ll always be the first guy who ever gave me an orgasm.

  What the fuck am I supposed to do with that knowledge, now memorialize on my phone? Forever I’ll be able to look at this text message and remember the night we shared. Our relationship, for me, just took a hard left into true commitment territory. Not that it hadn’t been before, but seeing those words? They fill a place inside my chest I hadn’t realized was empty.

  C: And if I have my way, Jus, no other man will ever have the pleasure.

  See how she likes that. Hopefully it stops her breath just like her message did mine. Pushing the door to the office open, Harley sits at the desk, typing away. She doesn’t acknowledge me, so I clear my throat. “Can I have the keys to the truck and the company card? I got an errand to run.”

  She glances up at me, eyes almost identical to Justice’s as far as color goes, but nowhere near the beauty when it comes to the feeling in them. With Jus, there’s a warmth, a familiarity that I’ve never had with another person, and it sure isn’t there with her twin sister. Harley’s eyes zero in on my neck. A small smirk plays on the edges of her lips. “Leave her alone.” I raise my eyebrows at her.

  “First of all,” - she gets up from the chair, holding the keys in her hand before swinging them around on her finger - “no one tells me what to do with my sister.”

  We get into a stare-off, both of us daring the other to back down with just a look. I have to give it to her. Most men would take a step back when I throw this glare their way, but she doesn’t. She holds her ground, even jacking her chin up a notch. If I wasn’t so annoyed, I’d be damn proud.

  “Second of all,” she finishes, “better not plan to go far before you get gas. It’s sittin’ on E.”

  A chuckle works its way up my throat and past my lips. “I wouldn’t expect anything less, Walker.”

  She hands me the keys, and then holds the card out, but when I grab for it, she pulls away, forcing me to look at her again. “I’m serious.” She puts it just out of my reach. “Be good to my sister or I’ll kick you in the balls myself.”

  My tough exterior almost melts. Almost. Reaching forward, I snatch the card as hard as I can, causing her to stumble. Catching her, I right her, then wait for her to look at me before I speak. “Hand to God, Harley. If I hurt Justice, I’ll kick myself in the balls. You don’t got shit to worry about.”

  Her face cracks a smile, before she crosses her arms over her chest. “Thank you. But for the love of all that’s holy, don’t walk around here with a hickey on your neck. It’ll give Dad a coronary, and he’s got enough shit on his plate.”

  Chuckling, I reach forward, hugging her tightly. “Damn, you want me to make adjustments for the whole family?”

  “It’s what we do, Blackfoot. It’s what we do.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Justice

  “Do you and Harley wanna come over for dinner tonight?” Mom asks as we’re locking up the office to go home.

  Any other night I would scream yes, because that means we don’t have to cook, but not this one. “Sorry, we have plans.”

  She turns to me, her eyes looking deeply into mine. “Is everything okay?”

  “I hate how everyone always asks that as soon as I opt out of family time.”

  “That’s not why I’m asking, Justice. You and Harley hardly ever say no to coming over.”

  “No, you’re asking because you’re not used to me saying no. Mom, we’re growing up.” I put my hands out to the sides, holding them palms up. “Not everything is about you anymore.”

  As soon as I say the words, I know they’re a mistake. The hurt my mom can’t suppress is enough to make me ashamed of myself.

  “I didn’t think it was,” she says, her voice tight. “I was only inviting you over for a meal. You don’t want it? Don’t come.”

  “Mom.” I reach for her arm, grabbing hold, stopping her from walking away from me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it the way it came out.” There are things I can tell her that I can’t tell my dad. “I spent time with Caelin last night
, and my mind is so fucked up.” I push my hair out of my face. “It’s like I woke up a different person.”

  A small smirk appears on her face. “Caelin, huh? Yeah, I could see how he would fuck anyone up.”

  “Mom!”

  “I might be old, but I’m not blind. Ya know?”

  “When you were first with Dad.” I bite my lip. “How did you deal with it?”

  She has a seat on the back step of the office building pulling me with her. “When I was with your dad, we were slightly younger than you. I mean, I left at eighteen, but we were younger when we started hanging out. He was a lot like Caelin. Cocky as hell, more experienced than I was, and so fucking hot.”

  She reaches for her phone, and starts scrolling through something. I don’t expect what I see when she finds what she’s looking for, and hands it to me. It’s a picture of my parents, very young. They’re lying down, both their heads on a pillow, grinning up at whatever has taken their picture, eyes lazy and gazes soft. “That’s Dad?” I can make out the muscles on his arms and the definition in his chest.

  “Yeah.” Her smile is pure, her face tinted a slight red. “Back in those days he played football, and he was good too. All the girls wanted to be with him because he was so built, and he drove a motorcycle. On his sixteenth birthday, he got his first tattoo, and when I say he was a bad boy... Justice you have no idea,” she giggles. “You and Harley mellowed him out a lot.”

  “He’s still scary sometimes,” I laugh along with her.

  “Well he has to be, but he’s never been so tender as when he’s with us. I keep this picture on my phone to remind me of what we were. Back then, we were kids with no cares in the world, the only thing we were worried about was graduation. We knew I was leaving to go to North Carolina. It broke our hearts for me to leave, but he let me go because he knew I needed it. When I tell you that fucked with my head, that’s not even the half of it.”