Out of Darkness Read online

  It was obvious that the doctor thought this question over before she answered. “If you had just met him the night of the attack, then I would say yes. The fact remains that the two of you knew each other before this, and you admitted that you already had an attraction to him. I don’t think you have a hero complex.”

  Meredith sighed with relief. “So we’ve been closer since I started staying at the clubhouse. I can’t bring myself to go home because I’m so scared that whoever did this to me will come back again. I let my lease go and put most of my stuff in storage. I’m pretty much living with him. There have been a few times when I’ve looked at him as a woman, but I’ve never been aroused. I can’t let myself go there.”

  “But that changed recently?” The doc guessed.

  “It did,” she nodded, bringing her arms up around her waist. “He took me out shooting, and I wasn’t getting my stance or hold of the gun completely right. He was so thoughtful, he asked before he came up behind me and then showed me how to do it with his own hands.”

  “How did that make you feel?”

  “At first I flinched, and I know he felt it because he got tense. His coming up behind me brought back some memories. But when his hands went around mine and his hard chest pressed against my back, all I could think of was him.” She closed her eyes and transported to that one moment in time. “He smelled so good, so masculine. The scent of his leather cut and the scent that is just him surrounded me, and it was like coming home. Then out of nowhere, I got turned on. I’m not sure whether he noticed or not, but my nipples got hard,” she whispered, embarrassed to be sharing this with someone else.

  The older woman laughed. “That’s good, Meredith. It’s not a bad thing at all.”

  “It was mortifying! I won’t let the man sleep in his own bed, but I could have climbed him like a tree right at that moment,” laughter bubbled up in her throat, and in that instant she let go of all the tension that she’d held in her body. She doubled over, tears coming to her eyes as she giggled.

  Doctor Jones joined her, so happy that she was having this breakthrough. “That’s a perfect description of Tyler, I think. He’s a tall man,” she acknowledged.

  “That he is. I was so happy I had that reaction, but at the same time it made me so uncomfortable. It’s like my mind and body are constantly at war with one another. One part wants to move on, while the other part won’t let me. I know he is a major part of that. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for him. These mixed signals are going to piss him off sooner or later.”

  “That’s fine and expected. Like I said, with patience you will get to where you need to be. You’ve already made tremendous strides already. You are moving right along in your progress, and I’m very happy about that.”

  After the session, Meredith sat on the front porch of the doctor’s office, waiting for Tyler to come and get her. For the first time in a long time, it felt like she was breathing again. She could see the blue color of the sky, smell the coming of winter, and feel the breeze against her skin. As she heard the roar of a motorcycle, goose bumps popped up on her arms in anticipation of seeing Tyler again. When he rounded the curve of the driveway and came into sight, Meredith smiled and waved at him. Caught off guard, he waved back. Coming to a stop, he turned the motorcycle off and balanced it, waiting for her to hop on.

  “Good session?” he inquired, handing over her helmet.

  “Very good session.”

  The heart stopping smile he gave her was her reward for the basket of emotions she’d felt while spilling her guts. She put her arms around him, holding tightly around his waist, and put her cheek up to the leather on his back.

  She had never done this before, and it again caught Tyler off guard. Tentatively, he placed his gloved hand over hers where it was clasped around his waist and gave a squeeze. When she didn’t pull back, he smiled to himself. Her trust felt better than anything else ever had in his life and gave him hope as to their future. Giving it another squeeze, he let go and started the bike. Because he knew she liked it, he revved the engine and gunned it so that it took off with a jump. The sound of her laughter made it to his ears, and he grinned as they made their way down the road and back to the clubhouse. He wasn’t sure what had happened, but he was happy for it. Happier than he’d been in a very long time.

  Chapter Six

  “Oh my God, this is the grossest thing ever,” Meredith squealed, causing Tyler and Liam to laugh.

  The group of them were in Liam’s kitchen, preparing to honor a time-tested tradition.

  “I’d have to agree, and I’ve had children,” Denise squealed along with her, causing the guys to double over with laughter.

  “You think it’s so funny, you two do it.”

  Tyler sighed, taking pity on Meredith, and stood up from the kitchen table. He took off his cut and his shirt, obviously not wanting it to get dirty. Meredith’s mouth went dry as the Sahara as he walked over. Funny as it sounded, she’d never seen him without a shirt on before. He was very careful with his nakedness when it came to her. She gawked appreciatively. It was obvious he worked out, the man had what looked like an eight pack on his stomach, and his arm muscles bulged as well, veins showing in his forearms. While she had seen the tattoos on his forearms, she’d never seen the full sleeves or the ones that marked his back and chest. One in particular made her breath catch. It was an amazingly real looking dream catcher that obviously represented his Native American heritage.

  “You want my help or not?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow. The slight smile on his face showed his amusement at her perusal of his body.

  “Be my guest.” She stepped back, going over to the kitchen sink and washing her hands. “Carving pumpkins seemed like such a good idea.”

  “Agreed,” Denise muttered, pulling her hand out of the middle of the pumpkin she’d cut the top off of. The slimy insides clung to her hand as she made a face and slung it onto a plastic bag they’d put on the counter. “But geez, this is so gross,” she shivered.

  “Here, let me help you, baby.” Liam finally got up, amusement on his face.

  “’Bout time.”

  The two women had a seat at the kitchen table and watched as the men cleaned the guts of the pumpkins out. Tyler grinned as he scraped the side of it with the tool from the pumpkin carving kit.

  “I’ve always wanted to do this, and it’s as nasty as I had hoped.”

  His grin reminded Meredith of a little kid, opening a Christmas gift for the first time.

  “You’ve never carved a pumpkin before?” she couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice.

  “Never. It wasn’t really something that orphanages or foster parents took the time out to do,” he shrugged.

  When he talked about things like that, her heart hurt. She could just imagine him as a small child, trying to have a normal childhood and being punished at every turn.

  “Well, thanks to me, you’re getting to experience it. My dad always gutted the pumpkin for me, and now I can see why.”

  He chuckled, grabbing another handful out and flinging it in Liam’s direction.

  “Dude, that was uncalled for.” Liam dodged it, moving his hand out of the way as it splattered the side of his pumpkin. Even though he complained, Liam loved this. It was the show of camaraderie and family that he wanted to bring so badly to the forefront of their club. William, President of their club and father to Liam and Roni, would have bitched that they were being silly, but these were the moments he knew they all lived for when they did such dangerous things.

  “Cut the shit. If you woulda thought about it first, you would have already put it in my hair.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right,” Liam laughed.

  “So what are we gonna do with this pumpkin, Ms. Rager?” Tyler asked as he sat next to her at the kitchen table.

  She sat so that her knee touched his, awareness crawling up her body. The look in his eyes showed her that he felt it as well. “I dunno, I’ve always been kin
da traditional and simple. Ya know, the triangles for the eyes and nose and some craziness for the mouth.”

  “Well, we can do that, or you can let me do it,” his voice deepened as he looked at the pumpkin thoughtfully.

  “Let him do it,” Liam advised.

  “Why should I do that?” she asked, a bright smile on her face.

  “Cause homeboy over there can draw and carve like you wouldn’t believe.”

  A blush rose on Tyler’s cheeks and she looked at him, surprise on her face. “You can?”

  “A little bit,” he shrugged.

  Liam snorted. “Don’t let him fool you, he’s really modest about it. C’mere.” He crooked his finger, and she got up to follow him.

  He led them through the house, staying a respectable distance away from her, aware that she was still a little jumpy around men. When they got to the living room, he pointed to a charcoal drawing that hung over a fireplace that had been carved into the wall. The scene depicted a Native American woman holding her child on the plains. Her long hair blew in the breeze and the sadness in her eyes radiated out to whomever looked at it. No detail went unnoticed as tears almost came to her eyes.

  “He did that?”

  Liam nodded. “Yeah, he’s really talented.”

  The things she kept finding out about this man who was committed to helping her made it very hard to keep her feelings compartmentalized. He was so much more than he appeared to be, and she just hoped that she would be enough for him. She never wanted to disappoint him.

  Hours later, the group sat out on the screened in back porch at Liam and Denise’s, admiring the pumpkins they’d carved. Meredith had taken Liam’s advice and given Tyler free rein. What he had done was creepy, yet beautiful. It looked like a scarier version of the grim reaper. The two women sat sipping wine while the men nursed beers. Quiet conversation flowed easily between them.

  “Are you going to dress up for the party?” Denise asked Meredith, when a lull in the conversation carried on for a few moments.

  “The Halloween party? I dunno. After what happened the other day, I was thinking of totally skipping it.”

  “Oh c’mon, you can’t skip it. We’ll have a rule that no ski masks or hoodies can be worn,” Denise told her.

  “What happened the other day?” Tyler asked, his tone sharper than even he would have liked it to be. What had she not told him? When she held things back from him it pissed him off royally and he had to fight with himself to keep his temper in check. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for this woman, and the fact that she wasn’t truthful with her feelings flew all over him.

  Meredith groaned. She hadn’t told him about this for a reason. She didn’t want him to get all bent out of shape. Plus, she’d never shared with him what the man who attacked her had worn. The only person she’d ever shared details with was her therapist, save for what she had to tell Ashley, the doctor who examined her afterwards.

  “Sorry,” Denise mouthed.

  “When we went grocery shopping, a kid was wearing a ski mask and a black hoodie. He was just trying out his Halloween costume, but it hit me the wrong way,” she tried to downplay the event.

  “Because that’s what he wore?” he asked, his eyes flashing brightly. His mind worked overtime, absorbing this new bit of information she had inadvertently let leak. She didn’t know he went around at night or even during the day looking for men who gave him a feeling. Trying to see if he could find someone who would dare hurt his woman. He wanted revenge so badly his back teeth ached as he clenched them tightly together.

  “Yes. Now I’d rather not talk about it anymore. That’s what my therapy sessions are for.”

  For the first time, he dared argue with her. “I wish you’d tell me what happened. That way I could find him and cut his heart out. I know if you’d just give me a couple of clues, I could find the bastard. I could take care of it for you if you’d just fuckin’ trust me enough.”

  The ice in his tone scared her. She wanted the man dead, but she didn’t want it at the expense of Tyler’s self-control. Many times she had watched him grapple with his temper, trying to keep it at a reasonable level for her. If he let his control go, who knew what he could do to the man that had hurt her?

  “It’s not about trusting you, it’s about being able to talk about it. If you can’t already tell that I trust you with my life, then you need to take a good hard look at what we’re doing here. I’ll share it when I’m ready to and not before,” she whispered.

  He realized that he had gone completely alpha male on her, and it looked like it had scared her. Forcing himself to release the tension from his body, he smiled as easily as possible at her. “I know, I’m sorry. I just want to take care of this for you. I’ll be patient.”

  She knew he would be, and since this was the first time he’d lost his cool out loud, she would overlook it. “I know you will,” she reached out her hand as a gesture of goodwill and placed it in his.

  When she flipped her palm over, he ran his long fingers over the sensitive skin there and her breathing quickened. At this moment, for once, she wished her body and her mind would be on the same page.

  Chapter Seven

  This had been a bad idea, Meredith realized as soon as she made her way out to the packed main room of the clubhouse. It hadn’t been hard to get up the hallway that led to the dorm rooms where most of the other members slept. Some of them had homes, some of them didn’t. Those who didn’t made their homes here. It was important that their private space be respected, so not a lot of people congregated in that tight spot. The main room was a completely different story. Everything had been pushed to the side – except for couches, where she could see a lot more people congregating than she was comfortable with.

  The party was in full swing, and there were a ton of bodies packed into a very small space. She couldn’t even bring herself to wear a costume, but a part of her had wanted to be among the action. She wanted to see what she was missing out on. Her eyes scanned the sea of bodies and locked with William’s, who smiled warmly at her and saluted her with his beer. She smiled back, thankful that he had seen her in distress and offered her a friendly gesture.

  “Meredith,” Denise yelled from the edge of the crowd.

  Making her way over to her friend, Meredith tried not to let people she didn’t know touch her. “Hey, you look great,” she complimented.

  Denise wore a wizard outfit that included fake glasses and a wand.

  “Thanks. Liam said something about me being a very naughty schoolgirl later on,” she giggled, her eyes glassy with the alcohol she’d already consumed.

  That hit Meredith in the stomach like a ton of bricks. What she wouldn’t give for the carefree way Denise talked about and displayed her sexuality. “Well, you have a good time,” she muttered.

  “I’m gonna tell you somethin’ and I don’t want you to get mad at me.” The drinks she had made her accent thicker, Meredith had to concentrate on listening to her.

  “Okay.”

  “You need to stake your claim.”

  “What?” Meredith didn’t understand her drunken ramblings.

  “Women. They are all over Tyler tonight. You need to stake your damn claim.”

  Dread rolled in her stomach. “How? I can’t even let the man touch me.”

  Denise sobered almost completely in that moment. “Have you tried?”

  Sometimes her friend pissed her off with her honest questions. Meredith wasn’t sure how it’d happened, but the two of them knew each other so well. She’d never had a friend like Denise who challenged her and wasn’t afraid to call her on her bullshit.

  “Where is he?” she asked through clenched teeth. This pissed her off. He was hers, even if she couldn’t show him that yet.

  “Follow the trail of scantily clad women, and he’s at the end.”

  That was exactly what she hadn’t wanted to hear. “Seriously. Can you just tell me where he is?”

  Denise grabbed her hand, m
aneuvering them through the crowd. Up ahead, she could see a group of women, Tyler in the middle. He had a small smile on his face, obviously enjoying the attention. Meredith looked down at the loose jeans and huge shirt she wore.

  “I look like a fucking soccer mom,” she hissed at Denise. Her voice was thick with unshed tears and embarrassment. How had she let herself go? “I can’t go up there like this. They’ll laugh me out of the room.”

  “Then do something about it. I know you have it in you. I’m not telling you to have sex with him tonight, but you have got to stop stringing him along.”

  Meredith knew that she was right. He deserved so much more than she was able to give him. “You’re right, but what am I going to wear?”

  “Come with me.”

  It had taken them forever to get through the crowd and back to the dorm room that Liam used on occasion. Denise stumbled through the door after she’d fought to open it with her key.

  “You need to take a break from the booze friend of mine. You won’t be able to be a naughty school girl later on if you can’t keep from puking.”

  “That’s good advice, now I’m going to give you some. Wear this out there. Forget your insecurities, inhibitions, and fear for a little while. Take it minute by minute, and I think you’ll be fine. I picked this up for you, hoping that jealously would make you lay claim on that man.”

  Denise threw a bag on the bed along with some makeup products and shoes.

  “How sexy is it?” Meredith asked, her breath already starting to become more rapid in her chest.

  “Just calm down. You aren’t showing anything except your legs and chest. I promise you, it’s not too risqué at all.”

  When she was dressed, Meredith turned around in the mirror, checking herself from all sides. She had to admit that Denise had been right. A fairy costume hadn’t been what she was expecting, so she forewent the wings that were supposed to go on her back. While it was sexy, it was also modest. A white corset inlaid in a dress pushed her breasts up, but not indecently so. White tights covered her legs and a white mask over her eyes showed only the eye makeup she wore. The skirt came down right to her knees, and the white heels she wore made her legs look exceptionally long. The contrast of the white clothes she wore against her dark hair that she’d curled and pulled back was striking.