Shield My Heart (Heaven Hill Book 9) Read online

  Leaving Travis’ office, Liam did his best to tell himself Mandy was a grown woman and could take care of things on her own. If she needed him, she’d let him know.

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  Chapter Eight

  There were few times in her life when her dad had sent her a text that said…

  Dinner tonight. Don’t miss it.

  Usually it was when he or someone else had an announcement, or it was because he was missing his nuclear familial unit. As far as she knew, nobody had an announcement, so it had to be that he was missing everybody. The older he got, the more sentimental he got. Mandy had to admit, she was missing her family too.

  In order to keep her secret, she’d withdrawn herself from everyone, because she was so scared of someone finding out or slipping up and telling them. Doc Jones had told her it was a self-preservation technique. If she didn’t want to answer questions, the easiest thing to do was avoid the people who would ask them. It was a shitty way to be, and she knew it, but right now peace of mind was the most important thing to her.

  There hadn’t been any other time she could remember when she kept this kind of information from her family, but she wasn’t yet sure how she and Dalton were going to deal with the pregnancy. How could she answer questions about their future? She knew that would be the first question, and she had no answers to give them. How did she keep her family from going after Dalton? How did she keep herself from breaking down and spilling all of her secrets? Easy. She had no answers and no desire to lie—so she’d stayed away.

  She’d almost declined the invitation but knew if she did; it would only raise more red flags. Besides, she missed her family, and she needed the comradery and love they gave without reservation.

  Parking her car in her parents’ driveway, she got out, squaring her shoulders before slowly climbing the steps of the front porch. Her gaze saw cars already parked. Drew and Charity’s car was parked next to hers, and it looked like Tatum was also there, which meant she was the last to show. So much for making a good impression and hoping they wouldn’t ask questions. She’d left herself wide open for an inquisition, but she hoped that the gods would smile down on her tonight. Gripping the knob, she turned it, opening the door and immediately inhaling the smell of home. It wrapped around her in a hug she hadn’t realized she’d needed.

  Walking further inside, she could hear the laughing and booming voices of her siblings. Stopping just beyond the doorway, she could see them but they couldn’t see her. It sounded like Tatum was giving Drew and Charity a hard time about showing affection in front of her. Tatum acted like she hated it, but Mandy had a feeling she kind of loved that her brother wasn’t afraid to show how much he loved his wife.

  “You two are worse than Mom and Dad. Always touching and kissing. It’s enough to make somebody sick. I see this enough at school. Do I really have to see it at home too? People always kissin’ in the hallways and stuff.” Mandy could almost hear the eye roll from where she stood. “Like they don’t know they should keep it out of the public eye.”

  Mandy felt a cramp in her stomach. Dear Lord, she wanted to be those people so badly. Not even to put a claim on Dalton, but to know he was by her side, to know he unconditionally loved her. She wasn’t sure she’d ever stop wanting it. Drew’s deep voice laughed.

  “You just wait, Bug. One day, you’re gonna have it.” He pulled on her curl. “When you have it with the right person, you’re not gonna care where the hell you are. You’ll totally believe in PDA,” he wrapped his arms around Charity’s waist, leaning her over and kissing her on the neck, causing her to giggle.

  “Hey!” her dad’s voice boomed. “Let’s not even joke about that. It’s bad enough she’s old enough to date. Between her and Mandy, I’m gonna start losing my hair.” In his mind, Mandy would always be the teenager who came into the clubhouse with her mom and brother.

  “Speaking of, where is she?” Charity asked, glancing at her phone to check the time. “I let her go early because I knew we were having dinner tonight. Something’s been up with her lately. I’m worried.”

  All she wanted to do was crawl into a hole and sleep for a year, but she knew if she didn’t put on a brave face, everyone at this table would see right through her. At the same time, she knew she had to make an entrance before they all started speculating on what was going on with her and asking Charity why she was worried.

  Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she sent off a quick text to Dalton, asking the question she now wondered all the time.

  Where are you?

  Plastering a smile on her face, she walked through the doorway. “Hey, y’all, sorry I’m late. There was a wreck on the interstate, and I had to take the back roads. I got here as soon as I could.”

  “No big deal.” Liam came over and hugged his oldest daughter, dropping a kiss on her cheek. “I’m just glad to see you. Haven’t seen much of your face lately.” He said it gently but meant it. She hadn’t been around nearly enough for his liking.

  “I know.” She hugged him close, smelling the cologne he wore. The scent always took her back to simpler times when he was able to fix any problem she had with a stern voice. Those had been so easy. “I’ve been busy, but I promise to be around more.” She would need her family when push came to shove.

  “I guess since Dalton’s taking some time off, you’ll be spending more time with him,” Liam was quick to drop the bomb he was positive his daughter didn’t know. She covered it up well, but Liam could see the surprise in her eyes. They obviously weren’t talking at all, and Liam wasn’t sure what scared him the most. The fact that she wasn’t talking to her family, or the fact she wasn’t talking to her long-time boyfriend. Either way, things were weird, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.

  “Yeah, we’ll both be around a lot more,” she lied through her teeth and hoped like hell her dad couldn’t tell. He knew though, she was positive of that, but he was too good of a man to call her on it.

  Drew pulled her over to where he stood munching on some chips. “Speaking of Dalton, have you noticed he’s been off lately? What the hell’s going on with him?”

  It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him she had no clue, but that would be admitting she knew even less than she already did, and her ego just couldn’t take it.

  “Worry in one hand and shit in the other, Drew. See what gets filled first.” She turned her back on him, pulling her phone out of her pocket and engaging Tatum in a sigh-filled conversation about some music star.

  She’d never so thoroughly dismissed him in her life. They had to stop meddling or she couldn’t be held responsible for her actions.

  *

  Where are you?

  Dalton almost laughed. It was a toss-up on lying or telling her the truth. In the end, he chose not to answer. Probably wasn’t a good idea to tell the woman who carried your child that you were at a strip club fifty miles up the road. “Has he been in here tonight?” He flashed a picture of Samuel to the bouncer. The bouncer was a friend of the club, and Dalton knew he’d tell the truth.

  “Not tonight. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen him. Every once in a while, I see him at the poker game down the road.”

  Dalton groaned. He and Deacon hadn’t heard from their uncle in days, and both of them were worried. Wherever he was, it wasn’t good. “Can you give me directions?”

  Minutes later, he was back out in the parking lot, tagging his brother on the chest. Deacon looked up from his phone. “He here?”

  “Nope, but the bouncer said he might be down the road.”

  Like him, Deacon rode a bike, but he wore no cut and no patch. He was Nomad all the way, not wanting to have to answer to anyone but getting protection from everybody. It worked well for him.

  “Shit.” Deacon tossed the cigarette he’d been smoking on the ground, grinding it with the heel of his boot. “What the fuck are we gonna do if we don’t find him?”

  “We’ll find him,” Dalton gritted the words through clenched teeth. “
If we don’t, Calvert’s gonna find him, and then he’ll be dead. We can’t let that happen.”

  Deacon grabbed his brother’s arm. “Whatever happens, I want you to understand this isn’t your fault.”

  Dalton nodded, but he knew this, like everything else, was totally his fault.

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  Chapter Nine

  Tired didn’t even begin to cover the pure emotional and physical exhaustion Dalton felt. Last night he and Deacon had gone all over creation looking for Samuel, but had come up empty-handed. He was sick of this. All he wanted was to spend his nights and days in the company of the woman he loved, but he knew it was a danger he couldn’t risk. Today, he was going to some of the places he knew Samuel liked to frequent in Warren County. But damn if he wasn’t frustrated.

  For a year, he’d noticed changes in his uncle. He’d been secretive about the places he went late at night, and he always had a wad of cash on him. For a while, Dalton thought he had a girlfriend and was waiting until the time was right to introduce her. Eventually though, the truth had come to light. In the end, it’d taken him almost four months to figure out what the fuck was going on. It wasn’t until he’d heard the conversation in the hallway of Wet Wanda’s that he’d known for sure his uncle was in trouble. Since that day, he’d been trying to figure out what to do. There was an expiration date on the amount of time Samuel had to come up with this money. If he didn’t have it by that date, they were all fucked. He cursed himself for not taking a stand back when all this had started, for not putting his foot down and throwing out an ultimatum.

  Samuel had always been there for them, and Dalton hadn’t wanted to rock the boat. He’d had no idea how deep his uncle was in. No idea whom he was in with. If he’d known the little gambling problem that had always plagued them had turned into this—he would have made an appointment himself with Doc Jones and gotten Samuel into treatment. But here he was, chasing his tail, pissed off, and tired.

  His heart tugged as he saw the Sonic at the end of Porter Pike. He and Mandy had spent many afternoons there in high school, and they’d enjoyed ice cream after late night rides. Needing some caffeine and wanting to feel a little piece of home, he impulsively turned his bike into the parking lot and headed for the drive-thru.

  *

  “I’m getting better and not picking up the phone to call him every night. I don’t let the phone ring long enough for the voicemail to pick up and listen to it.” Mandy gave a self-deprecating laugh. It was pathetic, even to her own ears. “I did text him last night, but he never responded.”

  Doc Jones listened with a sympathetic look on her face as Mandy talked. Nodding her head every once in a while as the younger woman said something she agreed with. “Is it getting easier?”

  Lifting her eyes up to meet the older woman’s, Mandy shook her head. “No, it’s not. I still want to talk to him, tell him about all the changes going on in my body. I had to buy new bras yesterday; I’m not sure how long I’m going to be able to keep this a secret. My brother and sister-in-law are already suspicious because of how sick I’ve been.”

  “I think the question here, Mandy, is why do you want to keep it a secret? Why are you protecting Dalton? What are you trying to spare him for?”

  She’d asked herself that a thousand times. Why did she care about him when he so obviously didn’t care about her?

  “Because I know what my brother and dad are capable of.”

  “Don’t you think he does too? Yet he continues to treat you this way. I think the question you need to ask yourself is this—how much are you willing to put up with? It’s something you definitely need to think about.”

  Damn Doc Jones and her questions. Mandy felt this one like it was a kick in the gut. How much was she willing to put up with? “I don’t know how to answer that.”

  “You do, Amanda. You know exactly why you’re doing what you’re doing.”

  Anger coursed through her body, although she wasn’t sure whom it was directed towards. Dalton? Doc Jones? Herself? “I love him!”

  “At the expense of what? Your sanity? This baby you’re carrying?” Doc Jones reached out, putting her hand on top of Mandy’s. “You’re under a lot of stress. You’re not handling morning sickness well, and I can see with my own two eyes the toll this is taking on you. Sooner or later the people in your life will see that too. Perhaps some of them already are, and they’re going to question you. What are you going to tell them, Mandy? Lie and say nothing’s wrong? In several months you’re going to have a kicking and screaming child that will refuse to be a secret any longer. Stop doing this to yourself.”

  She felt every word that Doc Jones said to her. The tears that were always at the surface erupted past her lashes. Doc Jones was pushing, but at the same time, she knew they were all words she needed to hear. They were all truths she’d been almost refusing to face.

  “I keep promising myself the tears I cry are my last, but just like everything else, it’s a lie. I can’t stop them, I can’t stop the hopelessness I feel in moments of weakness, and I can’t stop loving Dalton,” she sobbed, hiccupping and accepting the tissue Doc Jones pressed in her hands. She wiped away the wetness on her cheeks with angry movements, pissed at herself for showing emotion again. “Why is he doing this to me? We were happy.”

  Doc Jones shrugged. “That I don’t know, honey, and they may be answers you never find out. Can you live with that?”

  *

  Can you live with that?

  After her session with Doc Jones, Mandy was pissed and so tired. She was done with it all, and when she was done with it all, she wanted to eat. Decision made, she turned into the Sonic that had always comforted her. Mandy Walker didn’t do pity, she didn’t do running, and she sure as hell didn’t do scared. All of those were the reasons she’d simply been avoiding anyone and everyone she knew. Especially Dalton Barnett. If it were up to her, today, she’d never see him again. Never talk to him again, and he sure as fuck wouldn’t be there when she gave birth to his child.

  He hadn’t earned that right, and she was pretty sure that her dad, Liam, would knock him on his ass if he came near her. To say her baby would throw a wrench into the dynamics of the Heaven Hill MC was putting it mildly, and she’d never felt guiltier in her life. She’d never thought Dalton would ask for a leave of absence.

  That, however, couldn’t bother her, because right now she needed some chili cheese fries in the worst way, and damn the man on the bike in front of her at the Sonic drive-thru. Apparently he’d ordered the whole damn menu. As her stomach clenched one more time, she honked her horn out of frustration.

  It was then that the guy on the bike turned around and took off his aviators. There in front of her was the one man she was trying to avoid.

  She tilted her head back against the seat and asked the question up to the sky that she constantly wanted the answer to. “Really?”

  Dalton offered her a sheepish grin and a small wave, not looking the least little bit put out. She hadn’t verbally spoken to him in almost a month, but you wouldn’t know it, looking at him right now. He hadn’t really answered her texts either.

  Mandy knew immediately that she couldn’t deal, and gave up her precious spot in line. Chili cheese fries be damned. After all, Bowling Green had more than one Sonic, but she had only one ounce of pride left, and Dalton wasn’t going to watch her lose it if she had anything to say about it.

  Thirty minutes later, Mandy sat at the Sonic off of Scottsville Road, eating the chili cheese fries she’d wanted so badly. They were probably the best things she’d ever tasted in her life. Sighing, she wondered how long she’d be able to keep her condition a secret from her mom, dad, and everyone else in her life. As Doc Jones had reminded her, it wouldn’t be a secret for long. Several times Drew had looked at her like he knew something wasn’t right, and like he knew she was hiding something—but he hadn’t yet confronted her. For that she was grateful, because she knew as soon she came clean, and if she and Dalton couldn’t w
ork it out, Drew would be the least of his worries. Her dad would fuck his world up.

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  Chapter Ten

  She’d looked beautiful. Pregnancy agreed with her in a lot of ways. Even though he had seen the tension around her face, he’d also noticed the way her T-shirt pulled tight against her breasts, the way her skin glowed in the sun. Dalton wanted nothing more than to follow her as she’d given up her place in the drive-thru line. His hands ached to touch her, his ears wanted to hear her voice again. It’d been weeks since he’d heard her speak, longer than that since he’d touched her. He physically ached with the wanting.

  Last night when he’d gotten back into town, a part of him had wanted to be as close to her as he could be. With the dark of night covering him, he’d driven over to her apartment building and watched her window for hours. He’d relived moments they’d shared together in his mind. Memories were the only things that kept him going these days. They kept his head above water and the depression at bay because he was damn tired of wanting something he couldn’t have.

  There was an easy way to end all of this. He had to find Samuel and get the money to Calvert before anything happened to his uncle, but truth be told, he was damn tired of chasing a ghost.

  His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he fished it out, holding onto the milkshake he drank.

  Got to the trailer and he’s here. I’m keeping him preoccupied until you make it. He won’t lie to you like he will me.

  Dalton threw away the milkshake and wanted to scream with joy as he read his brother’s text message. They’d finally found their uncle. Now, hopefully, they could get some answers.

  *

  Mandy sighed as she parked her car in front of her parents’ house. She hadn’t wanted to go home after her Sonic run, but she hadn’t wanted to be around friends either. The place where she felt safest called to her. Seeing her mom’s car, she smiled. It looked like no one else was home, and that was exactly how she wanted it.