Shield My Heart (Heaven Hill Book 9) Read online

  Slowly she took the stairs to the front door, moving cautiously because her stomach didn’t always agree with what she chose to eat. When it felt like she would be okay, she tested the knob, knocking lightly as she walked inside.

  “Mom, you here?”

  “On the back porch!”

  That’s where her mom always was; book in her hand, light blanket over her legs. She loved her afternoons on the back porch. Mandy grinned, her cheeks turning red as she thought about the afternoons she and Dalton had spent there as teenagers. Hopefully no one but them knew about those stolen hours—when they did all kinds of things they weren’t supposed to.

  “Hey.” Mandy gave her mom the first genuine smile she’d given anyone in the past few weeks. It felt good to see her and not be alone.

  “Hey yourself.” Denise waved from where she sat in her favorite chair.

  Suddenly exhaustion gripped Mandy like she’d never felt before. She yawned widely and grabbed a blanket Denise kept over the back of the couch. It was so much more than a back porch. It had been screened in when they came to live here, and it had been where all of them gathered, where her parents had been married, and where many of them had spent long summer nights. This was one of her most cherished places too.

  “You tired? Charity said you haven’t been feeling well,” Denise pried, gently. She wanted desperately to know what was going on with her daughter, but at the same time, she recognized Mandy was an adult. She didn’t have to tell her anything she didn’t want to.

  Mandy could only guess what Charity had been saying. Primarily because she’d been less than honest with her boss, even less honest with her friend, and even downright lying to her sister-in-law. “I am,” she admitted, closing her eyes against the bright sunlight.

  “You looked tired the other night when you came over for dinner.”

  They were quiet when Mandy didn’t acknowledge the opening Denise had given her. She was tired, tired of thinking about what she was going to do, tired of trying to figure out how Dalton felt about all of this, and tired of keeping her secret. It weighted heavily on her, and there were days when she wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but she knew as sure as the sun rose Dalton would suffer for this.

  He would suffer for the way he’d turned his back on her. Her dad, Drew, Tyler, hell even Charity wouldn’t stand for this. Meredith might kick his ass too, and she couldn’t bring herself to rob him of the only family he’d ever truly known.

  “What are you thinking about so hard over there? You’re gettin’ that wrinkle in between your eyes, and you’re frowning really hard.”

  Mandy opened her eyes and gazed at her mom, sighing as she stretched out on the couch. “I have a lot of stuff goin’ on right now, Mama.”

  “Anything you want to talk about?” Denise offered, hoping that her oldest daughter would take her lead. She could see the confliction every time she looked at her, could see she was hurting, but she had no idea how to reach her.

  “I’ve been going to see Doc Jones,” she admitted softly. “It’s helping.”

  Denise gasped. “Oh Mandy, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault,” she was quick to assure. “What’s going on is happening between Dalton and me. I don’t want you to worry he’s physically hurt me or anything like that. I promise it’s nothing that bad. I just need someone to hear me out and offer an unbiased opinion. I can’t get that here.” She hoped her explanation soothed ruffled feathers.

  Denise was quiet for a while. “I would hope if it’s something you can’t handle, you’d come to me.” She breathed deeply. “But if what you need is to fall asleep on that couch while I read my book for a while, then you can do that too. But I want to warn you. Dalton’s asked for a leave of absence from the club, and if your dad finds out it’s not for the reason he’s given, there’ll be hell to pay.”

  The news wasn’t a shock to Mandy, and she thought about being honest, but she was already close to letting sleep take her, and couldn’t bring herself to care. If and when she and Dalton finally spoke to each other again, it would be another question she’d have to ask.

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  Chapter Eleven

  Dalton was vibrating with fury as he pulled up to the trailer on the lake. The dwelling had seen much better days, but it still provided him with shelter whenever he needed it. It had been the only home he’d known as a young kid, and it was one of the most important places in his memory bank. As they always did, memories assaulted him of that night he and Mandy had sealed the deal in this trailer. She’d given herself over to him and told him he was good enough for her.

  What a crock of shit those words had ended up being. He’d done the one thing he’d promised himself he’d never do. He disappointed her, not been the man she needed, and he had a suspicion that before this was said and done, he’d never get the chance to be that man again. He didn’t deserve the chance. He knew that. There was no telling what he’d have to do to help the man who’d helped him as a kid. He knew his days were numbered, expected he’d go down in a blaze of glory, and he was okay with that.

  Taking the steps two at a time, he burst through the door. When he spotted his uncle sitting there counting a wad of cash, he picked the older man up by his shirt and threw him against the wall.

  “Where in the fuck have you been? We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

  “Calm down.” Samuel’s voice was thin as Dalton tried not to crush his windpipe.

  Pulling himself back from the anger was impossible. He was no longer the lanky boy who had worked hard to build his muscles. He was lean now, deceptively powerful, and had a temper that could back up the words he chose to speak. “Don’t tell me to calm down. I found out how much you owe Calvert. What the hell were you thinkin’?”

  “How to get myself out of this situation, boy. What do you think? Besides, I don’t have to answer to you.”

  “Boy?” Dalton tightened his grip. “I haven’t been a boy for a very long time, and if you think Calvert’s gonna let you get out of the situation, you’ve got another thing coming.”

  Deacon grabbed his brother around the shoulders and pulled him off their uncle. Always the voice of reason, he spoke into his ear. “Let him talk. Maybe he has a solution we haven’t thought of.”

  “Highly unlikely.” They’d been living like this their whole lives, really only having themselves to count on.

  “I won two grand last night in a poker game. Brought my total up to eighteen that I’ve come up with,” Samuel defended himself.

  “Great plan.” Dalton put his hands on his hips. “You still owe over a hundred thousand more. Where the hell do you plan on coming up with the rest, and where the hell do you plan on hiding out until you do? Don’t count on Heaven Hill to protect you—I’ve taken a leave of absence.”

  “What?” Samuel questioned, his weathered face frowning. “Why?”

  For the first time Dalton realized how beaten Samuel looked. There was a slouch to his shoulders, a weariness in the lines on his face, and his eyes were dim. They held none of the life they used to. This was worrying him as much as it worried them, but Dalton had to make him see how problematic his addiction was. “Because this isn’t just about you and what you owe. I realize you’ve spent most of your life thinking about us and doing what you thought was right for us.” He pointed to himself and Deacon. “And I have to ask why the fuck you stopped now. I’ve got stuff going on, things people can use against not only you, but me.”

  Both Samuel and Deacon stared at him, question in both their eyes. “Maybe it’s time you be honest with whatever it is you’re keeping from us.” Deacon shot his brother a look, one indicating he should be more forthcoming with what was going on in his life.

  There weren’t many men Dalton backed down from, but Deacon was one of them. If anyone deserved to know, it was these two, and to be completely honest, it would be nice to tell people. To share what was going on in his life and to have others comment on it. Keeping it to hims
elf really sucked.

  “Mandy’s pregnant.”

  There was complete silence in the room as he let that sink in. He let them realize he had other people to worry about, someone else to call family. There were people counting on him, and he knew he was gonna let them all down. It wasn’t a good feeling.

  “Obviously Drew and Liam don’t know, otherwise you’d be wearing your balls for earrings,” Deacon joked.

  Dalton wasn’t feeling the humor. “Right now, only a few people do. But do you see what I’m saying to you? If Calvert wants to get to you, he can use me, and in using me, he can get to Mandy. I have a lot to lose if shit goes south. I have a family to lose.”

  He didn’t add that he was probably already going to lose it. That was no one’s business but his.

  “Dalt.” His uncle used the nickname he’d used when the boys first came to live with him. “I didn’t do this to hurt you, and I obviously didn’t think it through. It was never my intention to get this deep or to owe this much. Gamblin’ is something I like.”

  “It’s an addiction,” Dalton accused. “One you can’t afford, and now you’re in trouble. I’ve always been willing to overlook it.” He turned so he wouldn’t have to look in his uncle’s eyes. If he had to, he might not get the rest of this out. “You took us in when no one else wanted us. Up until the time we came to live with you, we didn’t even know what sitting down at the dinner table meant. You’ve more or less been our mom and dad for the better part of our lives. I’ve always been willing to look past your faults.” He stopped and took a breath, turning back around to face him. “But I have two people countin’ on me right now, and while I’m not perfect, I have to put them first. No matter what.”

  Samuel walked over, putting his hands on Dalton’s shoulders. “Now’s the time for you to be the man your daddy couldn’t be. You worry about your family and you let me take care of me.”

  That wasn’t what he’d wanted to hear at all. “No, don’t you understand?” He shook his head. “For everything you’ve done for us, you’re gonna be this kid’s grandparent—I can’t let you handle Calvert on your own. I refuse to sit back and watch him hurt you. That’s why I took a leave of absence. We’re gonna fix this shit, and then we’re gonna be a family. We’re going to have the things we never did.”

  Dalton could tell Samuel didn’t believe him; he didn’t believe it would be that easy. Truthfully, neither did he, but he wouldn’t let his uncle face this himself. They were family, and family faced shit together.

  If there was one thing the Heaven Hill MC had taught him, it was that.

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  Chapter Twelve

  Mandy laughed, bringing her arms around her stomach. “What did you tell him?” she asked Tatum, still giggling. Her younger sister was something else. She’d gotten the best parts of them all; feisty, spicy, head-strong, and fiercely loyal. Mandy noticed for one of the first times how grown-up she looked. Gone was the shoulder-length bob cut she’d worn for years. In its place was longer hair, worn curled, as silky looking as anything that could be done in a salon. The makeup was darker now too, more professionally done, in colors that suited her. Looking at her fingernails, Mandy also noticed Tatum sported a manicure—something she wouldn’t have been caught dead having a few years ago. It wouldn’t be long until Tatum would be ready to leave the nest and maybe bring home a man of her own.

  Mandy could remember being her age and being so in love with Dalton she couldn’t see straight. Not much had changed. Except now that love was twisted up in anger, and she hoped at some point she could have that love again, the way it had been when they were younger.

  She shrugged, pursing her lips in a smile that would one day bring a man to his knees. Not just any man though. He’d have to be a damn good man, and he’d have to respect Tatum and the rest of the family. “That both my dad and brother have done jail time, and if he ever wanted to try to lay another girl he should probably get the fuck away from me.”

  Denise sighed, trying to be patient with her youngest. She was doing her best, but she looked up to the men in the clubhouse so much. “Language, Tatum. Just because you’re a teenager doesn’t mean you can talk like that dad and brother you love so much.”

  “Seriously, Mom? I’m not giving it up in the bed of a truck to some guy who thinks kissing me for five minutes is foreplay.”

  “Oh Jesus.” Mandy laughed again. “You know too much about this stuff to be seventeen. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, please keep it. Don’t let someone force you into doing something you aren’t sure you want to because they want you to.”

  Mandy felt like she knew her sister wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want to, but she also wanted her to know it was okay not to.

  “Trust me, Mandy. I know what I want, and who I want.” She winked, a smirk on the flawless face of hers.

  “For the love of God,” Denise pleaded from where she sat. “Please don’t let your dad hear you talking like this. It’s bad enough I have to hear it, but I at least know when you’re joking. He doesn’t. Don’t give him a heart attack.”

  Tatum crossed her heart. “I promise.” She stood up and pulled her hair on top of her head. “Besides there’s nobody at school I like. I kinda like older men.”

  And with that, she was gone.

  “What the hell did she mean by that?” Mandy questioned as she watched her sister’s retreating back.

  Denise was pensive. “I’m not sure, but I have feeling it has to do with Remy. I’m keepin’ my mouth shut though. If there’s one thing you and your brother taught me, it was I have no say. You’re gonna do what you want to do, and she’s worse than the both of you combined. I’m holding on until she turns eighteen because I know as soon as that happens, she’s spreading those wings.”

  Mandy thought the same thing about her sister. She’d been hopelessly spoiled by all of them. Tatum truly thought she could do anything she put her mind to. It wasn’t a bad thing, but in being spoiled, she’d never really known disappointment. Again, she wondered what would happen if she had a daughter.

  “Mom, how did you feel when you found out you were pregnant with me and Drew?”

  Of any question Mandy could have asked her, this was the most surprising. She’d never really hidden much from any of her kids, and she didn’t plan on doing so now. Collecting her thoughts for a minute, she bluntly gave her daughter the truth.

  “Really scared. My dad wasn’t the most understanding of men, and your real dad…” She trailed off for a moment. “I had no idea how he felt, what he would want to do. It was the scariest time of my life. Things happened and it ended up being just the three of us.” She closed her eyes. “But I don’t think I’d change anything. It led me to Liam. I wish I had met him earlier so that I could have given you a better childhood. There were some really hard times and situations I wouldn’t have put us in if I could go back, but…”

  “Everything led us here,” Mandy finished up for her mom.

  “It did.” Denise nodded, cherishing again the path their lives had taken. It hadn’t been easy, but it’d been worth it. “It ended up the way it was supposed to, and I have to believe that all the hard times were so I could appreciate the good ones. Liam was an answer to my prayers, even if I didn’t realize it yet.”

  Mandy’s tone was wistful, her eyes a little damp, as she thought back to all the things Liam had done for them. She remembered with clarity the day he’d come and gotten her and Drew from school when another kid had made a crude remark about her. Drew had hit him, he’d been suspended, and Mandy had been too embarrassed to stay there for the rest of the day. When Liam had come to get them instead of their mom, neither one of them had known what to do, but he’d ended up being just what they needed. He didn’t criticize and he didn’t judge. He’d taken them out for lunch and let them know it wasn’t a bad thing to stand up for themselves. “He did change our lives.”

  “In the best of ways.” Denise smiled, looking down at her wedding ri
ng. “And he loves you guys like you’re his own. I couldn’t ask for more.”

  The look on her mom’s face was exactly what Mandy wanted. She wanted to be able to count on Dalton that way, for him to be the rock she could hang onto, but he just wasn’t that for her right now. He would be, she hoped, but not in the foreseeable future.

  “Are you okay?” Denise looked at her oldest daughter with critical eyes. Drew had come to her and told her he was worried, and Denise could tell why. “You’ve got dark circles on your face, and your smile doesn’t quiet reach your eyes. I know things are going on with Dalton. Is there anything I can help you with?”

  Mandy had never in her life wanted to beg her mom to tell her what to do. She wanted to lay all her problems down at her mom’s feet and beg her to make it better, but she knew that wouldn’t happen. This was her issue she had to deal with.

  “No, Mom. I’m not going to lie and say I’m good, but things are getting worked out. Dalton and I will figure it out.”

  “You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”

  Mandy knew if she opened her mouth now, she’d spill everything, and her emotions couldn’t take it. Getting up, she walked over to her mom, bent down, and gave her a hug. “Thanks, but this is something I have to work out on my own.”

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  Chapter Thirteen

  Dalton wasn’t sure what he was doing here. He hadn’t even realized this was where he’d decided to come until he’d parked his bike in the extra space next to Mandy’s car. His bike had chosen its own way there, and it had gone home. He was as much a nomad as his brother these days. That was becoming more clear to him every single day of his life. But this woman, she represented so much of what he needed in his life. She was the air he needed to expand his lungs, the rest he needed at night, and the blood he needed pouring through his veins.